Dear Diary
by bobdabuilder0804
Summary: Jacks diary at the age of 15. Set in the present time before anything of 24 ever happened. PLEASE REVIEW! Somewhat abandoned for the time being...
1. Introduction

This fic is very 'different.' It takes place in the present time, but Jack is 15. It is his diary, so I have tried to write it the way I imagine a 15 year old Jack would. So the writing may not be good English at times, but it is done purposely!! Before you read the instalments of the diary you need to know certain information about this fictional world of the young Jack Bauer. 

This young teenage Jack is in school, and is known for being a little 'unconcerned' about his future. He has temper and behavioural problems too, (that's how I can imagine the younger Jack,) but isn't a loner or a weirdo, he has his own click of friends. 

He has a mother named Sarah, who has no job, as she has to look after her youngest child, Carol, who is just one year old. Carol is Jacks little sister (obviously!) Their is no father, but an Uncle Dave, who is Sarah's brother. Dave has no children and likes to crash at Carols every now and then, and he also likes a little Coke now and then.... He is probably the closest thing to a father figure, and Sarah's only real leverage over Jack. 

They rent a very small house and are on the Welfare. Jack and Carol share a room. 

I think that is everything to know, and I hope it wont be too confusing. If anything does confuse you e-mail me and Ill try to explain it better! I think this is going to be a total disaster, but hey, its worth a try!! :) Thank you for reading, and please review, if it is a complete bas up, let me know! You have to be cruel to be kind ;) 


	2. Wednesday 14 July

Wednesday 14th July.

Today was wasted on another pointless day at school. Mrs. Robertson dragged me out of English to bore me to death with a long lecture. Its typical, out of all of the boring lessons I could have missed, it had to be a half decent one. I was in her office for over an hour, as she voiced her concerns to me. She was telling me how worried she is about my temperament, as she calls it. She can't understand why the counselling hasn't improved my temper. If she had thought to check with Dr. Barns she would know that I haven't gone to one of those stupid sessions in over two weeks. 

After she had finished boring me to death about that, she broke into a lecture about the chair incident. I should have known they weren't going to drop it, but I didn't think it was going to be her dealing with it. Still, it was better than it getting to the principle who'd suspend me without looking up from his desk like he usually does. She gave me the usual B.S about how disappointed she was that I let myself get so worked up after I had been doing so well. One week without any trouble, what a run! Man she is so annoying!. So instead of a suspension I have got to pay for the chair and give Mr. Dodd a written apology. 

I let my temper get the better of me and told her not to hold her breath, which was probably a mistake, as it set her off on another rant about respect and loads of other things, but I wasn't really listening. 

I don't know where I'm going to get the $20 for the chair from, I can't ask my mom, not that she'd give it me anyway, but if she finds out what I did she will kill me. When I accidentally burnt that science book she went berserk; how is she going to react if she finds out I've smashed a chair against a blackboard? She'd probably go tell Dave, and I can't be bothered with his stupid speeches about the real world and my lack of importance; now he does my head in. 

I need to stop thinking about the shit that is school, or it will send me crazy, its such a waste of time. Mom had started smoking again, big surprise! When I got home from school the smell of smoke had already found its way back around the house like it usually does after she gives in, claiming as she did today, 'she needs it.' Whatever. It just shows how weak she is if she depends on some smokes so much. And I definitely won't get the money for the chair now, what's left of the money will go on cig, cigs and more cigs. She's already gone through a twenty deck today. She will realise how stupid she is when she's dying of lung cancer. 

Great, Carol has started screaming her head off. So she will probably wail all night, giving me an even bigger headache; and no sleep. Thanks Cazy! 

Jack. 


	3. Thursday 15 July

Thursday 15th July.

I didn't bother going to school as I haven't got the money for the chair, so I saved myself the hassle of having Mrs. Robertson breathing down my neck all day. Instead I went over to Jimmy's and we went surfing. His brother lent me his surfboard again and we went down to the beach. Jimmy wore his wet suit and I still kicked his ass! The waves weren't too good for it though, it was a little calmer than usual. Still, it was better than going to school, there's no way I'm writing Doddy an apology. It doesn't matter now anyway, seen as Mom already knows about the whole thing. 

I couldn't believe it when earlier, Mrs. Robertson came over! I nearly jumped out of my skin when I herd my mom curiously inviting her inside this afternoon. Apparently she tried to ring my mom to see why I wasn't at school when I had promised I'd go see her. She said she had tried to ring but couldn't get through - seen as we haven't got a phone it was a bit pointless trying - but she probably doesn't know. Or maybe she made the whole phone thing up so mom wouldn't get embarrassed about not having a phone, not that she does actually care; but Miss. Robertson doesn't know that. Anyway, she got my address from the principle and came right over. 

She told my mom everything, but claims she is simply concerned about my attitude towards school, and thinks that grassing me up to my mom that will change that. My mom doesn't actually care about how I do at school seen as she dropped out herself when she was 16 with nothing to show for it other than a growing bump in her belly. But she does care about the $20 she has to fork out, and she definitely isn't pleased about it. She didn't say anything about it in front of my teacher, but I know I'll hear about it soon. Either that or she will go running to Dave with something new to complain to him about. 

I didn't stick around too long to hear what Miss. Robertson had to say about me, it doesn't matter as I've herd it all before from other people like her, who pretend that they care, but really they are doing their jobs, and I just couldn't be bothered to hear it tonight. 

I slipped out and went over to Deans where we watched what was left of the game. It was okay but I wasn't really interested in who won, I don't see how Dean can get so worked up over a pre-season friendly, it's not like it goes towards anything. When the season starts, that's when the scores become important. I tried telling him this but he was his usual; 'any football is important' self; so I decided to drop it before we fell out again like we did last time. 

I haven't seen mom since I got back home and its just gone 11. She is probably asleep though, seen as Carol was tucked away in her cot next to my bed when I got in. She hasn't woken up and screamed her little head off yet, so maybe she will give it a rest tonight and just sleep. I hope she does, as she never shut up last night! 

Jack. 

_A.N: Thanks for the advice on an "American" Jack, Milo! I tried to edit my first two chapters with the new vocabulary, but don't know if it has actually changed it. I have tried to re-upload it 3 times, and still don' think it has worked, so if it hasn't I am going to leave it for the first bit, and just use your choice of words throughout the rest of it! Thanks again :)_


	4. Friday 16 July

Friday 16th July. 

I went to school today, with the stupid thing I had to write to Mr. Dodd. My mom said I had to write one or I would be grounded for two week, so I decided to do it, it was better then being stuck in the house with her all that time! When I gave it to him I wanted to tell him how I didn't mean it and he brought the whole thing on himself. But I didn't, and Miss. Robertson seemed pleased I'd actually done as I was told, seen as she wasn't on my back all day like usual, she left me alone. 

Dave was here when I got back from school, stoned. He wanted a 'little word with me,' but I told him to wait until he wasn't high if he wanted to yell at me for something. It didn't work out too well, but I can't say I care. Mom didn't say anything for once, which surprised me, I think she is over the whole chair stunt. I hope she is anyway, as I haven't got the money to pay her back with. 

I went out for a bit to get away from Dave, but there was nothing to do. No one was out, and Dave ended up stopping over in the end. I got in just before mom left, she decided to go out for a drink, so Dave thought he would stop over. Great. He is still downstairs watching some stupid movie on the TV, and he is still stoned. When I was downstairs he went to the bathroom twice to fix again. He normally doesn't have so much, especially not here, or at least I didn't think he did. He's probably owes someone money and is nervous, or he's involved in something. He is always stoned when something is going on that he can't handle. 

Big tough guy, my ass. He can't even handle his problems without using drugs, that's how weak he is, like my mom with her cigs. They are both pathetic really, depending on something so bad, I'd never depend on anything the way those two do, its sickening to see them. Wasting their money to get a little more, I wouldn't dare. It disgusts me how low they go, and they clearly aren't bothered. They don't have any pride, which is what I can't stand about either of them. 

Yes I know I'm ranting but today has been crap, hopefully tomorrow will be better. 

Jack. 

_Please review, with honesty too, as this is still in the exerimental stages, and I'm still, 'iffy' about it!! Cheers!!_


	5. Saturday 17 July

Saturday 17th July.

I woke up this morning, early, when Dave started slamming the cupboard doors around in the kitchen because he couldn't find anything to eat. I went down to see what the matter was, and he asked me where the decent stuff was. I started laughing at him and told him it wasn't a hotel then went back to bed. When I got up the second time, he had gone, but mom still hadn't arrived home form last night. 

I checked her room and she wasn't in, and her purse was missing too. This led me to believe their was only one plausible explanation, she hadn't come home. I know that most kids would worry that their mom hasn't come back, but I don't need to worry, 'cos I know what has happened. She will have met somebody and gone back to his place. I don't want to think about what she has been doing at some strangers house, or I'll be mentally scarred for life, but I've got a pretty good idea that she has just added her name to the list of dirty stop outs! 

She finally came home around one in the afternoon wearing last nights clothes, which only confirmed my suspicions. I still asked her where she had been, and she made some half ass lie about stopping over at Dave's. Right. Does she think I'm stupid, seen as Dave stopped over here?! Sometimes I really do think she is mentally lacking, either that or she thinks her son is a retard. She could have come up with something better than that, really. 

Anyway, she spent most of her day in bed with a hangover, so I had to stop in to watch Cazzy, as according to her, she can't be left alone. Its different when she want's to bob out here and their when I'm at school and she gets left alone in her cot; but I didn't tell her that, she wouldn't understand. 

Jimmy decided to come over seen as I couldn't go out, and we watched this documentary about what had happened in Vietnam. Jimmy kept dosing off through it, but I found it interesting. Its funny when you realise what a mess we made against the Vietcong, and we really got our asses kicked by those Guerrilla fighters. Who would have thought that their simple tactics could have won against the technology, (or bombs) we had? It shows how the big government people in charge never think about things tactically, that was their mistake. 

Later on me and Jimmy tried to get Carol to talk, but it just wasn't happening, she just gargles and makes this cute little hiccup sound. I guess she is still too young to talk, but I don't want her to be one of them babies that develop slowly, because they didn't have many people around them in the learning stages. I've been thinking about it, and how is she supposed to learn how to talk when she is on her own quite a lot? I'm gonna start talking to her for at least an hour everyday, I've decided. Jimmy thinks I'm stupid for even trying, seen as their Ryan is three and can still only mutter a few words. Still, our Cazzy is much smarter than his dumb little cousin, so she will be talking in no time when I'm done with her. 

Jimmy went home when mom surfaced around six. I went round the shop to get her even more cigs and some hangover pills. Yeah, I had a very eventful day, not! I can't wait for next week to pass by, so I can go out every day instead of wasting my time, in boring school. 

Jack. 

_Please review, and note that this entry hasn't been converted into American LOL, so it may sound a littel English. But hey, its the best I can do!!!! Anyway, please review, I'm still not so sure of this fic!! Purlease :)_


	6. Sunday 18 July

Sunday 18th July.

Well, where to start with today's events?? 

I got up early, Carol was screaming her head off all morning, even after I fed her. At about seven I gave up on trying to get back to sleep, and after I'd got dressed she stopped and went back to sleep, I'm sure she does it on purpose! 

I went over to Robs, and then we met up with everyone round the shops later. We played a bit of football, and had a huge game or survival. It was really cool, we used the woods and the park, so there was plenty of places to hide. We played for about three hours, and my side won both sets, it was a right laugh. But Ive got scratches on my arms and lots of nettle bites down my legs from running through the thorn bushes in the forest. 

After that everyone went home but me, Rob and Jimmy stayed out. We went through the garages and Craig and all of his crew were round their. We were going to go back through the shops and avoid them, but I didn't want to run away. Its not like were scared of them, but his whole click was their, while there were only three of us left. Craig and Matt started mouthing off as usual until that ass John chinned Rob. That set off a big fight with us all, but the cops somehow found us, so we had to split. Us three got away and went back to mine, but before we left I saw Craig getting his details took down by one of the coppers, which made me laugh. 

Mom didn't say anything when we clamoured in, but looked a bit pissed at the mess we made. Jimmy came out of it looking okay, and all I got was a black eye, but Robs mouth was bleeding all over, so mom took pity on him and fixed him up. We stayed in for the rest of the night, we didn't want to go back out and run into them again without the rest of us, so we decided to leave it. Rob says he is going to kill John the next time he sees him. I didn't say anything, but there's no chance Rob could take John, and even slimmer odds of him trying, he is all mouth, and that's why John swung for him in the first place! Maybe he will learn his lesson. 

What really surprised me today was my mom. Once Jimmy and Rob had left, she came up to my room, Cazzy in her arms, to 'talk' to me. She kept it brief, but told me that I should be careful when I'm out, 'just look at what happened today,' she said. She knows Ive got my own click, but that's no reason to start getting myself into gang fights. I told her it was one small fight, but she wasn't convinced. She told me about this thing that had been on the news. Some guy got stabbed in a gang fight, and 'it could have easily been me.' I told her I would be careful, and reassured her that were not even a gang, and she finally left it alone. I don't know what possessed her to be all motherly like that, its never happened before, it was weird! 

Ah well, I'm not complaining, seen as she took care of Cazzy all day too so I could go out. It was quite cool actually, but now I'm wondering what she wants. Its not a nice thing to say, but seen as she is being so nice, it can only mean she wants something. 

Anyway, I'm sure I'll find out what she's up to soon enough. 

Jack. 


	7. Monday 19 July

Monday 19 July.

I went to school this morning for P.E. It was good actually, we played a big rugby tournament, and we came second out of eight teams. It was a laugh, but I think I broke about four of my fingers in the process, I can't move them and they are already black with bruising! After that I decided to go home, but I did sign out for once instead of just leaving, and I had a valid excuse, so Moyra the prune, also known as the receptionist couldn't argue like usual. And I got to miss Geography and Art, so it was worth it. I was planning on starting my summer holidays today, but I'm going to have to go in on Wednesday now, probably. 

Before I left I bumped into Mr. Charles, the head of P.E. department. He asked for a word and told me that he thinks I should chose P.E. as one of my options next year. He was going on a bit but said he thinks I'm good at all aspects of it, which is cool I guess; although he is probably having problems getting people to sign up so he is trying to blag me into it! That's probably the real reason, but I still think I'm going to do it, it's easier than the other options were given, and like hell I'm doing Health Care of Business Studies next year! 

He also told me that its sports day on Wednesday, and he hopes I come in, seen as there aren't many decent athletes in the yellow team, so he hopes I can make a difference. I wonder why he is doing so much butt kissing, he must be really desperate to get people to sign up for next year! I think I'll go in I think, after all there will be no lessons and it means I won't have to wear my stupid uniform either. 

Mom was in when I got back from school, and she taped all four of my fingers together, claiming that 'I should take more care while playing sports,' and 'I'm too competitive to realise that I've hurt myself.' There's nothing wrong with wanting to win is their!! I again noticed she was being nicer than usual, so she is definitely up to something, but I haven't asked yet. Just because she has been nice two days in a row doesn't mean I'm going to do whatever it is she wants. 

I had another talking lesson with Cazz earlier tonight after I bathed her. She hasn't improved but I don't really think she was concentrating all that much. She kept pulling faces at me while giggling all night, then fell asleep on me while gripping my little finger, so I had to stay like that with her for over an hour until she let go! I didn't want to risk waking her up or making her cry by moving her hand, so I just left her where she was. Mom was taking the piss saying I am too soft with her, but I'm not, there's nothing wrong with looking after my little sister. She should get her priorities in the right order. Family first, then smokes. Anyway, I don't mind looking after our Cazy all the time 'cos she's the cutest baby in the world and I'm going to have her talking in no time! 

Jack. 

_Please review to let me know what you all think, as I'm still unsure about whether this is any good or not, and whether to continue! So please give me your views, please!!_


	8. Tuesday 20 July

Tuesday 20 July.

I didn't go to school today as my fingers were swollen up really bad, so mom though I should leave it for the day. There I was thinking maybe she was changing, seen as she has been nice over the past few days, but I never realised I was playing straight into her hands by staying off school. As I have already said there was always going to be a reason for why she was being nice, and I found out what it was today. 

After she rang up school and told them I wasn't coming in, she decided to take Cazzy on a walk. She went out with her and so I went back to bed, but about fifteen minutes after she had left Dave came round. I'm not stupid, and it is pretty obvious that the two planned it together. Anyway, I got up to let Dave in, and he decided that he wanted to have a chat with me. 

He told me that seen as I'm 15, its about time I get a job. I told him that I probably will in the summer holidays, but he started going on about how he can help me out right now. He says that a friend of his is looking for someone to help sell some things, and that he himself has been doing it for a few months and has made a lot of money from it. 

He also said that I could sell it at school, which is why he is telling me now so I can try sell some before we break up for the holidays. After he rambled on for half an hour on about all the benefits of working for him, I asked him what I'd be selling. 

He started talking crap about how it may sound and even look bad to people, but the fact is I'd only be selling it and nothing else. Eventually he got round to telling me that it was coke; and maybe something stronger, if I do well and get rid of the first set of stuff! 

Can you believe him, he wants me to sell his drugs to earn him some money. When he told me I started laughing and told him to forget it, I wasn't going near any of his shit. He started getting angry, about how I was ungrateful, he is only trying to help me get some extra money. Sure, that's all he wants. I told him he can forget about me doing anything for him, and that he can tell his twisted sister the same thing. 

He then decided to bring up the stupid chair thing, how he had to lend my mom the $20, as if bringing that up is going to change my mind. I told him that I'll get a legal job in the holidays and pay her back. He didn't like that I hadn't fallen for his so called 'dream' job offer. He is either really screwed up inside of thinks I'm really stupid. As if I'd sell his drugs, to earn him some money. I'd be stupid to work for him anyway cos its not like he would ever pay me. 

He stormed off after an hour, fuming that I wouldn't do it, cos I'm an ungrateful brat. When mom came in later we had a massive argument, and I told her that if she wants some money, she needs to get off her ass and get a job, but I'm not doing it for her. She acted all hurt and everything, claiming she was only thinking of me. Sure she was, in a deranged way, but somehow I don't think most mothers would want their son dealing drugs, the people I know wouldn't, anyway. 

I stopped at Jimmy's in the end, as every time I saw her she started on about it again, and I had to get out of the house or I'd go crazy. She is unbelievable, making out that I am in the wrong for not doing it! I can't believe her cheek, she really is something else. Maybe when I'm older I will send her somewhere to get her head checked out, it would be worth every penny to see just how much is missing in their! 

Jack. 


	9. Wednesday 21 July

Wednesday 21 July.

God am I tired! I went to school this morning straight from Jimmy's. I didn't want to go back home first, seen as the place has become the twighlight zone over the past few days. Anyway, it was sports day, and I ran in the 100 m sprint, the 200 m, 500 m and the 1500 m over the course of the day. I won the first three, but came third in the 1500, I was knackered by then though, as it was the last run. That's what I was telling Rob anyway, seen as he was gloating 'cos he won it. It seems he forgot that I won him in three out of the four! 

I also went in for Greg in the shot put throw, but Stacey the stupid idiot dropped her shot put on my shoulder, so it was throbbing the rest of the day, and I have a nice blue bruise their now! I have to admit she did feel very guilty afterwards, and we took the piss out of her all day, so I think I'll not mention it again or she'll get upset or something, you know how they are. Overall the yellow team came second, the blue's won us by three points!! But I don't mind too much as Rob and Jimmy are in green and they came last, so at least we beat them! 

When I got home I went straight upstairs to avoid my mom, I still can't believe what her and Dave were up to yesterday. After about an hour upstairs with Carol she came up to check on her and give her a bottle. As she did so she apologised, and said it probably wasn't the right thing to ask, its just that it would help a lot. I told her that if she needed some money that badly I'd get a job, but I was doing nothing like that with Dave. 

She said that the only reason they even suggested it was because I'd make a lot more money doing that than working hard in a real job, seen as I'm 15 they will pay me rubbish. I told her I wasn't bothered, that's no reason to get involved in any of that. 

Theirs no way I'd go near the stuff, just look at Nick. I can remember when he was bragging to us lot that he could get his hands on it, and we told him he was stupid he was but he wouldn't listen. He was going on about how he was only selling it he wasn't doing anything else, but the police didn't care about that when they locked him up two years ago. Theirs no way I'd make the same mistake he did. 

Anyway, me and mom are okay now and she promised she'd not even bring it up again, and she'd tell Dave (who apparently is really mad I'm not doing it) not to mention it again either. But she didn't say she'd stop him from coming round stoned though, and its pretty much the same thing if you ask me. 

After our little heart to heart she decided to go out so I said I'd look after our Cazzy, and she still hasn't spoken, I'm beginning to think that maybe she is to young to talk after all. I've spent about a week trying to get her to talk and its just not happening, so I might just leave it. At least she laughs and pulls faces, its better than nothing! 

Jack. 

_Please review and let me know if you think its getting a bit repetitive, but bear in mind I was hungover when I wrote the latest, so I can always change it later!! Cheers!_


	10. Thursday 22 July

Thursday 22 July.

I went to school today, I made a compromise with my mom. I'd go today if I can have tomorrow off, and she said okay. Although I have to admit, I wish I had just not gone at all and not bothered to tell her. After all, its not like the school can ring to tell her. 

Anyway, I got to school and in registration Miss. Robertson told me that I had to be at her office for 10, but didn't tell me why. I couldn't think of anything wrong I'd done, not recently anyway, so I decided to go. And it was half way through Religious Studies, so it was better than staying in there learning about some stupid miracle that probably never happened, seen as it isn't logically possible to rise from the dead. One thing I am sure of is that dead people stay dead, and anyone who believes otherwise has serious issues. 

Anyway... I went to her office as instructed and realised I was in the shit when I saw Dr. Barns stood next to her. I went inside and they told me to sit down, and the two began interrogating me on why I hadn't seen him in over three weeks. I couldn't think of an excuse as they didn't give me any time so I told them I forgot, which didn't go down too well. To try and make up for it I told them that it didn't matter anyway, seen as I had been doing very good recently. Then Miss. Robertson decided to tell him about the stupid chair 'incident' with Mr. Dodd, which only made my situation worse. 

He has decided that it is best if I continue my 'therapy' (as he calls it) throughout the holidays! I tried to get out of it but apparently its not an option, otherwise they will have to consider sending me to a school which centres on so called behavioural problems. I told them there was no way I was changing schools when their is only a year left, and so I have to go see him. To make it even worse, they decided to make it two times a week instead of just one, he wants to see me Mondays and Thursdays from now on! 

I don't see what the big deal is, but they obviously think it is more serious than it is. After I promised I would see him every Mon and Thu Miss. Robertson left so we could have a private session right their! It wasn't as bad as usual though and he didn't ask me the stupid questions like he usually does. All he asked me about was what I'd been up to and why I didn't think I needed to see him. I told him the question was pointless and it was an entire wasn't of time, and then he started writing stuff down inside a small notepad. I hate it when he does that, as though its something I can't see, when its about me! 

The session only lasted about twenty minutes though, and then he let me leave. I went home after that, I didn't want to give Miss. Robertson the chance to sneak another surprise attack on me after what she did earlier! 

I told my mom about the whole thing and she too doesn't see what the big deal is, but said I should go if they feel its necessary, its not like were paying for it anyway, seen its all done through the school, so she doesn't care too much. 

At least I haven't got to go to school tomorrow, or for another seven weeks now! Ive still got to go to my stupid sessions but I'd still rather do that two days a week than school 5 times a week! I just hope Barns will stop asking me the same questions time and time again, cos its getting pretty boring. 

Jack. 


	11. Friday 23 July

Friday 23 July.

Cazzy hasn't been very well today, in fact she's been really sick. At about four in the morning she woke me up crying her eyes out, and she has barely stopped since then. She was really hot too, and was sick a few times. In the end mom took her to the doctors and he gave her some antibiotics to take, she has the flu, or something similar to it anyway. 

So I spent most of the day rocking her on my lap to calm her down, and eventually got her to sleep. Mom wasn't too hung over which meant that either she recovered really quickly with worry or she didn't drink too much last night. I have no idea which on it was. 

Rob came round to see if I wanted to go missy-ing, but I wasn't really in the mood and didn't want to leave Caz so I stayed in. Its a good job I did too seen as their was a big storm later on. Their was a little thunder and lightening, and then all of a sudden the rain really came down and the winds were right strong. It was non-stop for about three hours and all the street was flooded over the curb! The wind blew next doors plant pots over and smashed them, so their is pot and mud all over their drive!! Serves them right for trying to look posh with them in the first place, all they did was make the front look stupid and out of place! 

While the storm continued to ruin next doors garden I watched this documentary. It was all about Hitler, and studied both his rise and fall. It was interesting but mom was complaining cos I was so interested in what happened in Germany, but she couldn't get me interested in school! Still, it was good as it wasn't biased against them like the usual things are and it showed how Hitler really was a genius, just a crazy demented one at best. 

I wonder what it was like for the Jews and all of the other discriminated groups to live in Hitler's world at that time. It must have sucked, someone should have done something about it at the time, I would have. I don't know why someone straighten his head out, but I bet everyone was scared of him. Or maybe they tried, and he was simply to screwed up to see the damage he was causing. Well, I guess he had realised what he'd done when he blew his brains out! 

Anyway, I need to wake Cazzy up to get her some more medicine, its been over four hours since she last had some; which means I'll never get her back to sleep afterwards!! At least the school year is officially over now and I don't have to worry about getting seen by teachers in the area when I'm supposed to be their; and now we can use the fields there to play football, which is what were going to do tomorrow if the storm has died down by then. 

Jack. 

A.N:

missy-ing = going out with the intent to be mischievous. LOL, at least that's what it means where I come from!!! 


	12. Saturday 24 July

Saturday 24 July.

Carol was much better this morning, and she was fine through the night too. She still had a hint of a temperature, but she seemed okay other than that. I still gave her some of the medicine after her bottle, to make sure she stayed better. 

When I went out I met up with everyone and we had a massive game of footie up on the school field. Their were loads of us so we had a good game. We were their most of the day, but a few people went in when it started raining, but most of us stayed out through it. 

On our way to the steps we saw John on his own! Rob wanted us to jump him but I said it wasn't fair, about ten on one. I said that he should go and smack him though, for chinning him the other day, but he chickened out! In the end it was Liam who ran over and smacked him round the back of the head from behind. It was funny but Rob should have done it himself instead of getting others to fight his battles. And now the next time Rob is on his own near any of them they will probably kill him, but its his own fault. 

I went round to Jimmy's at about 10 when everyone had gone in, and his brother Scot went to the shop and bought us some beers which was cool. I didn't stop over seen as his dad came back from the pub earlier than we expected, and went off on one at Scot for buying us the beer. He seemed ready to explode so I got out of the way as soon as I could. 

I got in about an hour ago and mom wasn't in, and neither was Cazzy. She hadn't left a note or anything and she still isn't home, she is probably at Dave's. 

Jack. 

_ knocks on screen _

_ hello_

_Anyone their??? If so... you know what to do, review!!! (Hey that rhymes!)_


	13. Sunday 25 July

Sunday 24 July 

I got up this morning and found Cazzys asleep in her cot, I don't know where they went last night. I went downstairs to get her a bottle like I do every morning, after checking on mom who was laid in bed zonked, I didn't hear her get in, but that doesn't matter now. When I went into the kitchen their was this big man sat at the table eating toast! I didn't have a clue what to do or who he was, and so I asked him what the hell he was doing in here, and he started laughing at me! 

After a few questions I learned that he had come home with my mom last night and stopped over. I also learned that they have been together for a week now. Wahey, a full week, talk about commitment! He left not long after to go to work, but told me to tell my mom that he would call by once he had finished. 

I can't believe it, first she starts stopping out, if that weren't bad enough, but now he is stopping over, after a week! He better not start coming round all the time, she can go to his. I wonder what he wants from her anyway, it can't be money. 

I told mom what had happened once she woke, and she just laughed and said 'oh that's Zack.' As though it is nothing! She said they have really fallen for each other, but I think she is talking crap. I thought she would realise by now that every time she 'falls in love' it only lasts about a month before she gets bored. 

After her long update on her love life I went straight out. I didn't want to be in when he came back round. I met up with Rob and Liam, we didn't do much really, just walked around all day. Jimmy joined us later, and Jo also came out for the first time in about a month, since he got jumped. He has turned into a right chicken since then, and all he got was a broken nose, not exactly a life threatening injury! Still, it was about time he ventured from his back yard, and we've all arranged to have another big game survival next week, and he says he is going to come. I don't know if he will or not, but its progress at least. 

When I got in late at night this Zack fella was laid on the sofa asleep! I don't know who the hell he is but he isn't moving in round here. I told that to my mom who wasn't best pleased and she started getting all worked up asking why I can't be happy for her! I don't know how she has got the cheek, I would be happy for her if she ever gave me a reason to be, and I'm only looking out for her, cos this guy has her eating out of his hand and she is too blind to see it. 

Jack 


	14. Monday 26 July

Monday 25 July.

I woke up this morning and Zack the lummox was still sprawled out across the sofa, and mom was busy in the kitchen trying to cook him something up! She hadn't even fed Carol her bottle, yet she was rushing about frantically, trying to impress him with breakfast! Unbelievable. Its a good job I have my priorities right or both of us would be screwed. 

The swelling on my fingers has gone down and the bruising has faded so I took that annoying tape off at last. It kept getting in the way when I was out, it drove me mad. I got ready to go out but mom reminded me that I had to go to do my stupid therapy with Dr. Barns, so I went their instead. I had to walk 'cos I had no bus fare, and I was late by the time I arrived. Barns wasn't as annoying as usual and all he asked me to do was tell him about the last time I got angry. I explained to him about Zack and the bottle - briefly - I don't like telling him private things, and he asked me how I reacted. I told him how I just got out of her way. He seemed pleased that for the first time I didn't let my temper get the better of me. 

Once I got home from there I had something to eat before I went back outside again. Before I could do so mom decided that I needed to paint the fence. I don't see the point, it's ancient as hell and the wood is rotting away. I don't even know why we have one seen as the garden is extremely small. Its only their to separate us from the snobby neighbours next door - seen as they think they are better than anyone else, including us. 

I painted it anyway on both sides and it took about three hours. After it had dried mom announced that I would be giving it a second coat tomorrow, along with mowing the overgrown lawn. Ok, I admit that I was curious of where she got the paint from, but where is she going to get a lawn mower? I didn't bother going out after that, instead I stayed in and gave Cazzy another speaking lesson! Later on Zack showed up again so I went to bed to get out of the way - they make me sick. 

Jack. 


	15. Tuesday 27 July

Tuesday 27 July.

Today was crap - really really crap. 

I got up in the morning and put some old clothes on seen as I would be doing the garden. I started giving the fence a new paint of coat, even though just the one looked fine to me. As I was painting that arse Zack walked by. Neither of us spoke a word as he passed me, I think he gets the message. I really don't like him, he's got a right smug face, I know he is up to something. 

After the fence was done I mowed the lawn. Zack, 'the little darling' kindly brought him moms round for me to use, 'what a sweetheart.' The arse. It was well into the afternoon once I had finished and when I got inside Zack had already gone - thank God. Mom then asked me to go to the grocery store to get her some Nicotine patches, Zack doesn't like her smoking, so she thinks its better if she stops. I can't believe her, I always tell her she should stop, especially with Cazzy breathing in her polluted air, second hand smoke is more lethal - but none of that mattered. Yet her new fancy boy doesn't like it so she stops! Jesus, if he said 'Jump,' shed ask 'how high?' 

After I got her some patches I decided to take Caz for a walk to get some fresh air, seen as she is cooped up inside all day breathing in that shit. I just wish I had known what was going to happen so I could have left her at home where she is safe. Mom made me take her in her pram and I didn't mind doing so. I took her all over the place, until we took a shortcut home through the back of the shops and round the garages. 

I was passing through when the next thing I know, something smashes into my face and then I'm on the floor. Craig, John, Matt; pretty much all of their crew were their, and I didn't get the chance to get back up, seen as they all decided to jump in on me. Eventually I managed to land a few swings in here and their but they didn't do any damage. They pretty much beat me up for a while until they decided I'd got the message. I was on the floor again when they left - but my only concern was Cazzy. Her pram was sat just a few feet away untouched thank God, and she was fine - she could have been sleeping for how calm she was - the noise didn't disturb her one bit! 

Anyway I am going to find everyone of Craig's little crew and get them on their own and beat the shit out of every single one of them. Especially John, seen as the other day I stopped him from getting jumped, yet he did the exact thing I stopped from happening to me just days later! He is a right pussy and I can't wait to get my hands around his throat in a fair fight. 

When I got home mom went berserk. According to her I went out causing trouble which put our Carol in danger! I tried to explain that I got jumped, its as simple as that, but she says that I obviously brought my ass kicking on myself. She has no idea what goes on outside her backyard the retard. I went upstairs in the bathroom and cleaned myself up. There's mostly bruises on my face and chest along with swelling. There sore as hell but that's pretty much it - no blood his time; but their will be when I find those jerks one by one. 

After I'd finished I bathed Cazzy and put her to bed, and I'm off now too. My stomach is killing and I have a banging headache. I just hope our Caz decides to sleep tonight instead of scream her head off. 

Jack.


	16. Wednesday 28 July

Wednesday 28 July. 

I got up this morning to see that both mom and Carol weren't in, but Zack was. I was still looking around for them when I saw his sat watching T.V downstairs, and for the first time we had a brief conversation. I asked him where my mom had gone, and he told me that she had taken Cazzy shopping. (He even calls her Cazzy like I do, who does he think he is!) After that he asked me what had happened to my face, seen as it is pretty bruised and swollen everywhere, I look like a cantaloupe going off! I told him that I got jumped, and he asked if it was a problem. I told him it wasn't a problem for me, but it was going to be a big problem for them. He said good, but if ever became a problem I should tell him and he will deal with it. I said okay, then went out. Weird, maybe he knows I don't like him and wants me to think he is okay. 

As I went out Dave was coming up the walkway, looking moody as usual. He asked if my mom was in and I told her that she was out, so he stormed off in a huff, the looser. He was probably wanting some cash or something. Not that I care what he wants, I hope he doesn't get it! 

I went round to Jimmys and he went ballistic about me getting jumped. I told him to leave it, and I made him promise not to go see any of them himself. Eventually he said he would leave it, and I'm glad he gave his word, if he hadn't he'd go round and kill every single one of them. I told him I'm going to wait a few weeks, but every single one of them are going to get it. We stayed in his most of the day playing on his play station. His mom came home from work in the afternoon and made us some tea, but I didn't see his dad while I was their, although he was probably at work or the pub. I didn't ask, I didn't want to pry into their business like some nosy neighbour who doesn't leave you alone. 

I ended up stopping over at his, I didn't bother telling mom I was, I couldn't be bothered to go around to tell her, to walk back, it would take too long, so I left it. She won't worry anyway, she'll probably not notice, unless she wants something doing that is. 

We stayed up late and snuck a few of his dads beers from the store room, and watched We Were Soldiers. It was a cool film, I liked Mel Gibsons character, he is the first actual leader who stuck to his word, and was the first person on the battlefield and the last person off, even when they were in the shit. I bet that doesn't happen too often in the real world, I bet most of the leaders are pansies who sit behind their desks all day giving out orders, sending other people to their deaths instead of their own. I could never be like that, and can't understand how it works. How can a soldier go into battle, not trusting his leader? I couldn't. 

I got up early in the morning and came straight home. Its like 6.30! I'm going back to bed now for a few hours before crappy therapy, I'm right tired, me and Jimmy stayed up most of the night. So after I check on Cazzy I'm off! 

Night / morning! 

Jack. 


	17. Thursday 29 July

Thursday 29 July.

I got up for the second time this morning, and it was almost afternoon. I went downstairs and mom asked where I had got to last night, so I told her. She didn't seem too interested, she was probably just checking I didn't get myself into trouble. 

I got dressed and walked to Barnes place again, for another stupid session. When I went in he started asking me what had happened to my face, so I told him I got jumped. He seemed a little shocked, the wuss, I bet he's never been in a fight his entire life! He asked me what I did about it and I told him I did nothing, and he said that was good. Then I told him what I am planning on doing, and he didn't seem as pleased. 

I wish I'd never told him that I'm gonna kill every one of them, as it set him off with loads of questions about violence. What does it achieve? Do two wrongs make a right? Blah blah blah. I told him that violence is the only way to get the message across, and more importantly, prove a point. Its probably the only real way to do anything right I guess. 

After I told him that he started asking why I think that, I told him I just did, its just the way things work. Then he started asking me all questions, like if my mom or dad think that way. I had to laugh at that seen as I knew what he was thinking. Was I one of those little kids who get beat up by their parents. Not a chance! My mom wouldn't know how to swing a punch, and if she tried, she'd end up on the floor out cold! After I told him that he got the message, and said he'd see me next Monday. He really is weird, why would he think that about my mom, do I look like a wimp!? 

When I got home I stayed in, watched some cartoons with Cazzy, which had her giggling all night. Zack didn't come round tonight, its about time he spent some time at his own place away from here, he's clinging to my mom like a leech! 

I put Caz to bed quite late, and when I got back downstairs afterwards, I saw mom letting Jimmy in. I didn't really know what was going on, but he seemed pretty scared and upset. He just said that his dad had flipped so he wanted to know if he could stop here the night. My mom was all, 'course you can darling,' as nice as pie with him. We went upstairs and watched some T.V. He didn't tell me what had gone off and I didn't ask. I'm just beginning to wonder if he someone Barns thought I might be. 

Jack. 


	18. Friday 30 July

Friday 30 July. 

I got up this morning and Jimmy was already up and ready to leave. He said he was going to go home and wouldn't be coming out later today. I didn't say anything. We went downstairs and he said thanks to my mom and left. I got Cazzy up and sorted her out before I went out. 

I walked round the streets but didn't see anyone, until I saw Craig coming out of one of the shops. I know I was going to wait a while but I couldn't, it was the only real chance to get him, seen as he never goes out on his own. I was still debating whether to bother or not, but before I knew what I was doing I was beating the shit out of him. I messed his face up pretty bad and he didn't manage to get a shot in - that's all that matters. He was covered in blood before I finished, and I think I broke his nose. It was weird actually, as one minute I was debating whether to bother or not, and the next I had already done it. I must have lost it really bad, but its okay. I'm sure he got the message, 

After the fight with Craig I went in and had a argument with Dave. As soon as I got in he started moaning at me, going on about this and that before bossing me around. In the end I got real annoyed so when he asked me to go to the shop I said he should get up off his fat ass and run round himself, seen as it would do him more good than me! He didn't like that and he shoved me into the wall, but when I shoved him back mom started going crazy at me! In the end I stormed upstairs and punched my fist through my closet door. I wish it had been his face instead. 

I have to admit I lost my temper and got carried away for the second time today, and I scared Cazzy as she was in the room, I hadn't realised. She was crying but I managed to calm her down, but still feel a little guilty, I should have been more careful. 

Zack came over later and the only good thing about that Dave left, and I'd rather have Zack in the house than Dave, seen as he leaves me alone, where as Dave picks a fight with me every chance he gets. 

Jack. 


	19. Saturday 31 July

Saturday 1 August.

I got up early this morning, and Zack was still here. I gave him a dirty look, which he returned with a smile. He must be trying hard, but I bet he is getting frustrated inside. Mom was out with Cazzy, God knows where, I have no idea why she would be out so early. I went downstairs and put the news on, and Zack decided to join me. Great. 

He asked how I was, and I said fine. He asked what I was doing today, and I said nothing. He asked if I fancied a game of football, and I said no. My blunt responses didn't stop his attempts to have a conversation, as he then asked how I would feel if he moved in. Like he really cares how I feel, he is just trying to play the caring guy for my mom. I told him seen as he's only known my mom a few week he must be an eager beaver. It seemed that I finally got to him seen as he sounded mad as he said he was moving in over the weekend whether I liked it or not, and that I had better not give my mom any grief over it. Whatever. 

Another five minutes of silence, and then he said he didn't mean to sound rude, and gave me $20, for whatever I wanted. I told him that mom may be convinced, but he can't buy his way into the family. He told me to keep the money, even though I'm an ungrateful little shit. Then, he had the nerve to tell me to get out of his way! In my house, he is bossing me around, and he hasn't even moved in yet! Who the hell does he think he is? The jerk. I didn't start a fight though, I've done that too much recently, so I just went upstairs and stayed out of his way. At least I got to him. 

Mom came in about an hour later, with some more nicotine patches and gum, as she is still trying to quit. Honestly, if she was so keen to stop she wouldn't need some stupid chewing gum, she would just quit right their on the spot - no more smokes. She didn't stay in long as Zack wanted them to go for a walk, so I had to babysit. 

Jimmy came round later and I told him about smacking Craig, which seemed to cheer him up big time. He told me about this party some girl is throwing, Liams friend Kirsty. Apparently she is house sitting for a week, so its all kicking off Monday night with a huge party, everyone from schools going. Its gonna be cool, as Scott told Jimmy he would get served for us at the off-licence with some booze, so Zacks $20 is going to come in handy! 

Jack. 


	20. Sunday 1 August

Sunday 2 August.

Not really been up to much today. Mom came in my room early this morning and got me up. She wanted me ot help Zack clear his old place out. She said their wasn't that much stuff he was bringing, which really means that he hasn't got much stuff at all. I asked her if she feels that they are perhaps moving things too fast. I asked nicely to try to make her understand, but she didn't want to hear it. It earned me a slap round the face and a rant about how I should mind my own business, and how I'm too stupid to understand what love is anyway. 

Too right, but I certainly know she isn't in love, Jesus, they haven't even told each other about their so called love for one another! I told her I had made plans, but she just said to cancel them, I didn't have a choice. Then when we went downstairs, she told Zack I was only too happy to help! Sure I was. 

We walked to his place, seen as neither he or my mom has a car. We made what most people would call small talk, but I guess it was more like extreme small talk. He asked how old I was, and I asked where he works. That was my tricky way of finding out if he even has a job. He said he works in consrtuction. I guess its better than Daves drug dealing and Moms benefits. At least its legit. When we got to his place, it turned out to be a shabby one room apartment - no wonder he spent so much time at ours. It smelled really bad and their was damp everywhere, paint was peeling from the walls, and leaky pipes every where. 

He didn't actually have much stuff, and it took us three trips too and from our house, carrying a large box each.Out of the six boxes, two of those were filled with his equipment he uses for work! We were done in a few hours, and what took the time was the journey from our house to his. 

When we finished we went back to my home, and mom wasn't in, she had left a note telling us she was at Daves with Carol. Zack gave me $10 for helping him and I told him thanks. I still don't trust him, but it is definitly better that Dave. 

Afterwards I went round to Liams and we went on his computer for a bit. It was nothing interesting, I don't know how he can spend so much time on that internet, its boring. Anyway, I got a party to go to tomorow, and I can't wait! 

Jack. 


	21. Tuesday 3 August

Tuesday 3 August.

Okay so I didn't get chance to fill in what happened Monday, seen as I was absolutely bladdered, so I'll have to do it today. 

I didn't do much Monday morning, watched a pre-season friendly on the T.V, and that was it. I couldn't be bothered to go see Dr. Barns, I'll just go see him on Thursday. Ive got three days to come up with an excuse, and its not like he can do anything about it anyway. I got ready for the party early, and I even wore jeans and a white shirt for the first time in like a year, instead of my trademark track suit bottoms! I only took $10 with me, I want to save my other $20, who knows when I will need it. 

I walked round to Jimmy's and was a little early cos I didn't want to stay in the house listening to my mom and Zack talk to reach other as though they are five years old. Jimmys Dad let me in with his usual greeting; a nod of his head and a grunt. I was normal around him but can't help but wonder what went off the other night - it must have been bad to send Jimmy running around to our house in the middle of the night. I know I should forget about it as its none of my business, but I can't. 

Scott drove us to a store and we bought a total of 16 cans of beer with our combined money. Then he dropped up off at the house Kirsty is 'sitting', after we picked Liam up on the way for directions, seen as it was out of our neighbourhood. 

The house was huge, really big. And it was in the middle of a posh neighbourhood, I bet they nearly choked on their caviar when they herd the music we were playing. D12 sounds even better when your off your face. Everyone from school was their, and loads of people from the village too. I didn't see Craig or any of his gang, I bet he has learnt his lesson. As soon as we got their we started drinking and cranked up the music, we just crashed really! Towards the end of the night Liam had disappeared round the back with some girl (Mr. Super Stud !), and I had lost Jimmy completely. I was feeling really sick and really drunk, so I went outside onto the street for some fresh air, and Terri from school was their. 

I went up to her and we started talking crap to one another, we were both drunk after all. She was on her way home as she has a curfew, so I offered to walk her home. It wasn't as if I had anything else to do, I'd drank all my beer so I thought why not? She let me and we talked all the way home. We talked about the party and school, she also asked me about my infamous chair incident which made her laugh, even though I made it clear it wasn't funny. 

As we walked I realised just how pretty she is, she was wearing a white shirt with some plain blue jeans, she looked real nice. Not like some of the slappers at the party wearing the shortest skirt and highest heels they could find. I lent her my jacket as it was windy and she seemed cold. She said thank you, and then it went all quiet. Even though I was drunk I was embarrassed as I couldn't think of anything to say, and I didn't want her to realise I liked her. 

When I got to her house she gave me my jacket back and said thank you, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek! She seemed embarrassed but then she leaned in an actually got off with me!! I couldn't believe it, she was a good kisser, the best! Then when we finished she said that she would like to see me again some time, then she went inside. I went back to the party and Jimmy didn't seem to notice I had even left. He had managed to scrounge some Vodka so we finished that off, and that's as much as I remember really, I think I passed out after that. 

I woke up Tuesday and had a major hangover. Me, Jimmy and Liam walked home once we had found each other, we had to stop a few times for Liam to be sick, it was really funny. Liam was bragging about how he did this and that with Becky, but I didn't say anything about Terri, its none of their business. 

I got in early and mum knew I had been drinking last night with her first look at me. She told me I'd get in trouble if the police saw me drunk seen as I'm 6 years too young to do so. I went straight to bed when I got in, but couldn't sleep thanks to Cazzys crying. I don't know why mom left her in her cot all day - probably because she knew how hung-over I was and wanted to make it worse. I didn't go out all day, I didn't get out of bed all day, except to go to the bathroom once to be sick, which wasn't very nice. 

I have to say though, despite having a huge hangover and headache, it was worth it, I got to kiss Terri Shaw! I just hope she didn't do it because she was drunk, but she didn't seem that bad, she wasn't as bad as I was, clearly. I can't wait to see her again, I know her and the other girls in the village hang around in the top bus stop, so I will have to walk past one day and hopefully I will bump into her! 

Jack. 


	22. Wednesday 4 August

Wednesday 4 August.

This morning my mom woke me up early and started shouting at me about some money. I didn't have a clue what she was going on about and I was still half asleep but she just kept shouting and wouldn't even explain it to me. Eventually I understood why she was so mad because she has lost $50 from her purse. I told her that I didn't even know she had a purse, never mind $50, but then she started slapping me round the head saying I'm a liar and a thief! 

After holding my temper for as long as I could I started shouting back and then I grabbed her hands and shoved her away so she would stop hitting me. When I did that she started screaming for Zack to come up and when he did she put the water works on and started crying - it should have been me crying, I got woken up to be accused of stealing money and whacked around the head God knows how many times! 

Zack came up and hugged my mom and told her to wait downstairs. Then he pointed at me an said that I had better learn how to respect my mom or he would show me! Who the hell is the ass, he comes along, moves into my house and starts bossing me around, I don't think so! I swear to God he better learn his place or I'll put him in it. 

I'm almost beginning to think it would be better living with Dave than that prat. And I bet it is him who took the money, I know its not me, I wouldn't steal anyway, and especially not from my mom, I've got morals, unlike some. 

I went out after the little incident, but before I did Zack started asking me where I was going and what time I would be back. I told him it was none of his business and left. He is not telling me what I can and can not do - I decide that. 

Me and Jimmy went out for a bit but we didn't do much. We went up by the top bus stop but no one was their. I didn't tell him why I wanted to go their as he doesn't know about Monday, me and Terri - and I'm not telling him! 

I went home early 'cos It was so boring and Zack was playing cards with another bloke who I've never seen before. He nodded his head but I blanked him and went upstairs to Cazzy, I dont know, or care where my mom is. 

I spent all night playing games with Cazzy who is getting better at crawling about on the floor I almost lost her once, I had better keep more of an eye on her now! Just think how much trouble I would have been in if I hadn't found her exploring behind the cabinet!! 

Jack. 


	23. Thursday 5 August

Thursday 5 August.

I had to go to see stupid Barns today, but I wasn't really in the mood to talk. When I got there he asked me where I had been Monday, and I told him that I had been poorly. I know it was a lame excuse but I don't really care - he just nodded, he didn't start moaning at me like I thought he would. Still, even though he was being all nice I decided I wasn't going to be helpful this session. 

He asked me what I had been up to and I said nothing. Then he started saying how 'I must have done something, over the past week.' I just ignored him and sat their looking out of the window onto the street below. I know it was rude but I really didn't feel like talking, I'm still mad about yesterday. Mom still thinks that I took the stupid money, and the thought of Zack threatening me makes my blood boil. Who the hell does he think he is, I'll talk to my mom how I like - she is my mom, she's nothing to him, so he should mind his own business. 

After about 15 minutes of simply blanking him no matter what he asked he seemed to be getting annoyed, I could just tell from the way he kept taking in deep breaths before he asked me something, as though he was trying to stay calm and hold his temper. It seemed to work - maybe I'll try that next time mom does my head in, instead of reacting. 

Then he started saying how most people do what I was doing, when something is bothering them. He was right, something big was bothering me, my whole life - but I wasn't going to tell him my problems, after all, they are MY problems, no one else's, and I'm not going to share them. Everyone has to deal with stuff, so there's no point in feeling sorry for yourself. In the end I decided to play along, I went, 'Yeah, something is bothering me.... you.' Then I got up and left! 

He didn't come after me, he just shouted, 'I'll see you on Monday.' I just ignored him and went home - there was no point in sitting there for an hour bored out of my head being ignorant. I'm going to go on Monday though, cos I want to see how he is going to react - it will be fun, seeing how long he can hold his temper for. 

I got home and mom pointed out that I was early, I just ignored her and went up to my room. I got Cazzy and took her for a long walk later on, we went all over the village, and I carried her this time instead of pushing her, I thought it would make a change of scenery seen as she is pushed around everywhere in that thing. Although by the time we got home my arms were really hurting, she is getting heavier the little fatty! 

I feel a bit bad about how I was with Dr. Barns, I think that maybe I should say sorry on Monday - after all, he is only trying to help. And like they said at school before we broke up for the holidays, if he thinks I'm not getting better he may make me change schools, and I dont want that, I'll not see Terri in Maths when we go back! 

Jack. 


	24. Friday 6 August

Friday 5 August.

Today me and my mom went grocery shopping together, for the first time in, well, since I can remember! It was weird, I didn't know why she wanted me to go but I did seen as she had that look on her face which said that she was going to be either upset of disappointed if I didn't go along. Plus, it didn't seem too bad, spending a few hours with her, I just didn't like the thought of leaving our Cazzy at home with Zack - but I didn't have a choice. I tried to get my mom to drop her off at Daves or bring her with us, but no, Zack wants to look after her. Whatever. 

We went and wandered around the crappy cheap shop which was filled with scrubbers and smelt funny. I was embarrassed incase I saw anyone I knew, seen as it is the place for the, 'poorer people', as the adverts kindly put it. Oh well, it is better than having nothing at all, and its not like were going to go anywhere else seen as mom still hasn't bothered getting a job. So much for, 'straight back to work once Carol is 1.' She is now 17 months old, so either mom doesn't want a job or she is really bad at maths. Its probably both actually. 

When we got home Zack told me that someone called Jimmy came round for me. I went out once I had put everything away and had checked on Cazzy too. She actually seemed really happy, she just kept giggling and pulling faces at me. She is obviously too young to understand that she's not supposed to like him. 

When I went round to Jimmys he let me in as everyone was out. I couldn't help but notice that he has got a bit of a black eye left over, but I didn't ask where he got it from and he didn't bother to tell me. I also noticed that one of the windows in the kitchen had been smashed as their was a thin board of wood covering the hole. We watched some T.V, another game of football, but not a team I was overly interested in. 

At about 10 I went home. I walked home the long way, and bumped into Terri going through the garages, on her own! We talked for a few minutes and she said she had to get home cos she was late, so I walked her home again. We talked about going back to school and the party the other week, and she actually asked me if I wanted to meet up with her one day next week! I was like, 'sure.' I tried to act normal, I didnt want her to think I was a loser or something! We said that we'd meet round the shops on Monday - and I can't wait! I don't know what were going to do, but I might see if she wants to see a movie, seen as I've got that money off Zack to pay for it. 

I got in and Mom and Zack were out, but Dave was in watching over Cazzy. His eyes were glazed over, and he didn't even notice me walk by him and pick Cazzy up, taking her upstairs with me. Stoned again. Christ knows where mom is. 

Jack. 


	25. Saturday 7 August

Saturday 7 August.

Today I went down to the Wash and Repair garage where Liam works, as I haven't seen him in a while. When I got their I asked his dad, Mr. Venn, the owner, where he was, but it was his day off. Mr. Venn took me in the back and we had a chat, he was rambling on about how he hasn't seen me around here in a while and asking what I've been up to.He then he told me that her herd a nasty rumour about me beating Craig Phillips up. He was laughing but he told me that he used to fight all of the time when he was younger, but he regrets it now. I told him that I try not to fight but sometimes my anger gets the better of me, but that its getting under control. He said he was glad to hear that cos I'm two smart to be fighting, and then asked me what I am up to these days. I told him how I wasn't up to much, just hanging out, and he offered me a job there in the garage! 

He said I could wash the cars with Liam when they come in, and when its quiet he'll show me the mechanics side, teach me a few things. I was like thanks! He said I can have as many hours as I want. We said I'd start next Saturday and take things from there, and I can't wait. I can finally earn some money, and it will be cool their. Bob is a really cool guy to talk to, and I'll be with Liam so I won't get bored like I would in another place. I can't moan about it anyway seen as no where else would give me a job seen as I'm under 16, so its good enough as it is. I just gotta tell my mom now, I didn't tell her today as I don't know how she will react. She wont be mad, but she might decided that she wants most of the money I make, and if she decides to play those games their will be trouble. Of course I don't mind giving her some of it, but if she needs it that much she should get a job. 

I didn't do much after my visit to the W & R, I spent most of the rest of the day with Cazzy. I took her for another walk, this time in her pushchair to save my arms the trouble! She seemed to enjoy it as usual, as she was gargling her head off the entire journey. When we got home mom was still in, and Zack had joined her after he'd been to work. I bathed Cazzy fed her some mushed up food and put her to bed, hopefully she will not cry tonight as she did last night. 

I went downstairs and watched the news while mom and Zack 'ate dinner together.' I tried not to laugh when I saw them sat at the tiny table with their T.V meals, I was going to tell them it reminded me of the scene from Lady and the Tramp, but decided not to incase it stirred Zack up. After the news I watched the end of Payback. What a crap film, I have to say, and Mel Gibson definitely didn't pull off the gangster role, he looked pathetic! 

Went to bed after that and found out an old book, Andy Mc.Nabs "Bravo Two Zero." I read the beginning, but altogether I reckon I've read it 20 times if not more. Its a good book! Very insightful into the military and there's some good action scenes too, definitely my current favourite. 

Anyway, its getting late and if Bob passed my message on to Liam were meeting early tomorrow, so I'm off to sleep. 

Jack. 


	26. Sunday 8 August

Sunday 8 August.

I got up early today, no thanks to Cazzy who decided that everybody should be awake when she is; hence her alternative laughing and crying all morning until I pulled myself out of bed to see to her. I sorted her out as usual, bathed her, changed her diaper and fed her, and only after that she decided to fall asleep in my arms! I felt like waking her up just to spite her, but of course I wouldn't do that! 

I watched the morning news and got a boring update about the Olympics in Athens, that was all they were covering really, so I didn't watch much of it. Zack came downstairs shortly after and started moaning at me about Carol making so much noise. I explained to him that its what babies do, and he told me not to get smart. I told him to stop telling me to do, and then mom came downstairs before it escalated any further. After she came in he was acting all Mr. Nice-Guy again. 

I went out and met Liam and we went to get Jimmy but no-one was in at theirs, so we went for a game of football instead. Before we got to the playing field John and Andy came by us on some motorbikes. Andy was borrowing his brothers, but John actually owned his, he said he saved up for it for a few months, it was really good. He was going on about the technical side of it, but I was only concerned with how fast it went, and later discovered that it goes pretty fast to say its an off roader! 

We both jumped on the back of them and then us four went round to Steetly Quary where the bike jumps are. When we got their there were a few people from school their, so we stayed and watched as they did their best on the ramps. Andy and John were too chicken to try any incase they came off and scratched their bikes! What's the point in having one if you aren't going to use it!? 

Later on in the day Craig and a few of his mates came down. Craig was on his brand new moped, but everyone took the piss out of him cos that was all his dad would let him have, as a real motorbike was too dangerous, so that one backfired on him! He was also showing off because he had Jessie Abehams on the back of his ride, seen as they are now 'dating.' The guys were more impressed with her than the bike, but she just sat their looking pretty not saying anything. I don't see what the big deal about her is, she's a blonde snobby air head if you ask me, I'd rather have Terri any day! Craig stayed away from me while we were down their but we kept giving dirty looks across the track at one another. I don't care, at the end of the day I beat him up, and thats all people need to know! 

We left after a while as more and more of Craig's click came down so we went before they started anything. We went up to the top field and John let me have a go of his motor, and I had it doing almost 70, it gave me a right buzz, if I could ever save up enough cash I'd buy one, they're cool. 

When I got in later and mom went berserk at me as I got loads of white stuff all over my trousers form being down the quarry. She wasn't bothered about getting my cloths so messed up, I think it was more about the fact that I walked it all the way through the house without noticing! 

I'm going to bed early tonight to get as much sleep as possible incase Caz decides to give me another early alarm call! Ive got my meet with Terri tomorrow, and I have to admit I'm a little nervous about seeing her... and I think I'm going to tell mom about my job too, I'm just a little unsure of how she and Zack will react, I suppose they can't really be mad about it can they? I guess I will soon find out! 

Jack. 


	27. Monday 9 August

Monday 9 August.

I got up this morning with Caz, as usual. After getting her sorted out I set off to Barns early. I got their about five minutes before and when he saw me in the waiting room he told me that I may as well start the session early as his last patient had missed his appointment. I felt stupid when he spoke about his 'patient,' does that mean I'm one as well? It sounds embarrassing, its not like I'm sick in a hospital or something. 

When we went in his office I waited for him to shut the door before I apologised for my abrupt exit on Thursday. I said that I had a lot of stuff going on and wasn't in a good mood. He smiled, as though he was actually pleased I said sorry, and asked if I wanted to talk about the 'stuff' which was pissing me off. I didn't. He didn't seem overly concerned, just nodded his head as usual and pushed his glasses back up to the top of his nose before they slipped down again like they always do. 

We did all of the usual things for a while before he told me that he had been thinking about referring me to someone else for a while. I asked him if it was good or bad, and he said neither, it was all progress in the long run. I hate people like him, why can't they give a straight forward answer, instead of talking in riddles all of the time? 

Anyway, he said that someone would be sitting in on our next session, if I didn't mind that was, which I said I didn't. He said it was nothing to worry about, and would only be a one off. The rest of the session went okay, more stupid exercises to control my temper, (like they will ever work) and then more boring questions. I am not looking forward to next session though, its hard enough talking to Barns, I don't think I'll be answering any of his questions with someone else listening in. 

I went home after that and got changed, into something a little tidier. I got my $20 from its hiding place, and met Terri. She got their a few minutes after me and we talked for a bit. She looked really fit, she was only wearing jeans and some sort of top thing, but she still looked really nice in it - I didn't tell her that I thought that though, I don't want to scare her away! 

I asked what she wanted to do and we settled on going to see a movie. I asked what she wanted to see and tried not to frown when she suggested Dodgeball. I was like, 'okay cool,' and so we went. I paid for her ticket when we got their and she giggled and said thanks, which I think is a good sign. The film wasn't too bad I guess, it was just stupid humour; and I guess it was better than having to sit through a chick flick! 

After the movie I walked her home again, but we went the long way this time, both of us were talking non-stop. She was going on about her older brothers and school, I told her about my new job which she thought was cool. She liked to ask me questions about the rumours shes herd about me having to go to therapy. I told her I go twice a week, and I guess she realised I wasn't really wanting to talk about it as she changed the subject. When we got to her house I hadn't even realised that we were holding hands! She said thanks to me and kissed me on the cheek, before asking if we could do it again, soon. She sounded pretty eager to me, but then I guess I did too, I've never known a girl like her before, she's not annoying like all of the others. 

We decided that we would meet up on Friday night, just hang out. Before I left we kissed again, a proper one this time, before she said night and skipped up her yard! I couldn't believe it,, my stomach felt as though it had butterflies fluttering around inside it after that!! 

When I got in Zack was asking where I'd been but I blanked him and went upstairs. I don't have time for idiots like him! I know I still haven't told mom about the job, I'll tell her tomorrow! I still can't stop thinking about Terri, its weird but its nice too. I just can't wait until Friday! 

Jack. 


	28. Tuesday 10 August

Tuesday 10 August.

I laid in today seen as I hadn't made any to do anything and nothing was going off. When I finally got up Mom had already sorted Carol out and Dave had picked her up to look after her for the day. I dont know why, mom wasn't doing anything. 

I told mom that Bob, (Mr. Venn,) Liam's Dad offered me a job in his car garage. Mom was really pleased, hugging me and going on about how fast I'm growing up and all of that. Still, it was better than her being angry, although I can't see why she would have been! Mom told Zack who didn't share her enthusiasm. 

He started asking why I didn't tell him I was looking for a job as he would have sorted me out with his construction firm. I was polite even though he was being an as and told him that I hadn't been looking for one I was offered it out of the blue, but thanks anyway. Then he started asking how many hours I'm going to work and how much Bobs paying me, and how his firm could match it if I wanted, and I'd have a 'proper' job then. How can they match it when even I don't know any of those details yet myself? And like I'm gonna work anywhere near him! To try end the conversation I said I didn't care, I wanted to work at the garage as Liams their so it would be a laugh. That set him off on a rant about how you have a job to work and earn money, not to socialise and have fun. 

It was somewhere throughout that rant that I kissed my mom on the cheek and walked out of the house. I'm not letting him rant about me, why doesn't he give my mom the god damn job she sure could use it! But I wanted mom to know I wasn't pissed at her, its that as. Surely she will have picked up on how he's always getting on at me by now - and he has no right to do so -he is nothing to me, and I'm nothing to him; he should stay out of my business. 

I went round to crash at Jimmy's and we played computer games all day, even though he kicked my as at them! I don't know how he can play on those things all day - wouldn't he rather be outside playing something more active where you are actually involved in the game, not some character on a t.v screen? I just don't understand!! While I was their he was going on about this girl he met the other night, but I didn't tell him about me and Terri, its our business so I'm not going to gossip about it to someone else.... and its embarrassing too!!! 

I went home that night and Cazzy was back and Dave was there, telling mom where the two had been all day. How he'd taken her here and don't this and that with her while mom 'uhmmm' and 'ahhh' in all the right places. I didn't see Zack but didn't look for him either. 

Jack. 


	29. Wednesday 11 August

Wednesday 11 August.

Today has been... interesting. 

It started with me waking up by hearing something smash. I herd the noise and got up wondering what was going off as I could hear lots of arguing. After checking on Cazzy who slept right through it I went downstairs to see Dave and Zack shouting at each other threateningly, and mom stood in between the struggling to keep them apart. It looked like they were trying to rip each others throats out from where I was stood. I went in and they acted as though I weren't there, still threatening each other and trying to get past my mom. I went up to help but Zack told me to stay out of it. So I did, no point getting in the middle of something to do with those, its not like I like either of them anyway, they can try hurt each other as much as they like for all I care. 

Finally Dave left, and Zack shouted after him that he had better watch him back. Dave shouted some other comments then slammed the door after him. Zack stormed upstairs saying how he was late for work. Before he left he glared at my mom, and blanked me completely. Once we were alone I asked what it was about and mom burst into tears. I took her into the room and tried to calm her down, but she was really upset. After a few minutes she asked me to go to the shop and get her some cigs. I started laughing, but she gave me a look that told me she wasn't in the mood for it. So I left it, I didn't want to upset her even more! 

I got dressed and went and got her cigs, which she instantly lit up and began pulling on, as though it would make everything better. I again asked her what was happening between Dave and Zack, and she said it was nothing, just a misunderstanding. I took the hint that she wasn't going to tell me so I stopped asking. 

Before I went out she asked me not to tell Zack she had started smoking again, he would be mad at her as she was doing so well. I nodded before leaving. I couldn't trust myself to talk as I knew I'd probably erupt into some speech about how Zack can stick the cigs up his ass, its up to you what you do, he has no say in anything, blah blah blah. I didn't waste my breath though, as I knew it would be a waste of time, she wouldn't listen. 

I went out, still a little miffed about the whole Zack thing, but I just had to put it to the back of my mind for the time being. I went up to the top field and some of the lads were there so we had a game of football. It was okay, but their wasn't enough people for a proper game, so we left it after a while. I found Jimmy round the park and he came up to mine and we watched some T.V. 

When Zack came in he said we were being too loud, he was tired from working all day and this was the last thing he wanted to come home to. I told him that maybe he should go back to his own home then, which was when mom quickly intervened before it escalated. Once we were back out Jimmy was like, who is that ass?, which made me laugh. At least I'm not the only one who knows it. 

Jack. 


	30. Thursday 12 August

Thursday 12 August.

I had the session with Barns today. I don't think it went too well. 

When I got their he was sat behind his big desk as usual, but their was another man sat by the window near me, which made me feel uncomfortable to start with. When we started he introduced him to me, I can't even remember his name, and again asked if I was okay with him attending the session. I said yes, again, even though my mind was screaming no. I don't know why I didn't say no in the first place, it would have made everything a lot easier in the long run. 

When we started Barns asked me what I had been doing, and I answered the way I always do, 'not much.' But then the jerk behind me interrupted. He started asking me all this stuff, and telling me to broaden my answers. I just stared at him, not saying a word. Okay, so it was bad enough having some guy in my session to begin with, but then for him to interrupt, that was too much. I would have at least tried if he wasn't being so arrogant and pushy. 

So about 10 minutes in I got up and told Barns I changed my mind, I didn't want some jerk sat listening in, and I left. No one said anything or tried to stop me, which I was glad for, I would have probably punched the freak. 

I went home and Zack was in, I don't know why he wasn't working, I didn't ask. Mom was gone though, and when I asked where she was he started laughing and said she was with Dave. He had a few cans on the table and he threw one to me, and after I caught it he told me he was watching coverage for the game, if I was interested. I didn't think it could hurt, watching a game with him, so I sat with him and it was okay, it was something to do. He let me have a few of his beers and he was silent throughout the match itself - which I am grateful for. I hate it when moms watching it with me as she has to ask questions every five minutes about who is who and what they are supposed to do with the ball. 

After the game Zack said he was going to sleep, even though it was early, I think he was a little drunk. Before he went I asked him what happened yesterday with Dave and again he laughed and said 'night' before going upstairs. 

After that I went round to Dave's looking for my mom and they two were watching television whilst mom fed Cazy. I stayed for a while but left eventually - watching Dave repeatedly rub at his nose and sniff was getting on my nerves. 

So I went back home and read more of Bravo Two Zero, again! I think I need to invest in a few new books, I could recite that one by now! Still, it helped take my mind off the whole thing between Dave and Zack. 

Jack. 


	31. Friday 13 August

Friday 13 August.

When I got up this morning and mom wasn't in, and neither was Cazzy. I went downstairs and watched the news, but there was nothing interesting on. Zack came down shortly afterwards and started asking me where mom was, I told him I didn't know, and he started getting wound up, asking where she could be and stuff. He asked me to go round to Daves and see if she was there, and if she was to make sure she came home straight away. 

I didn't want to start something and I was going to go see if mom was at Daves, but I am not having him tell my mom what to do. I told him to go find her himself, and he got even angrier, saying how I am not in charge, he is. He must have been real mad about something, as he was being nice to me yesterday, something must have really narked him off. Anyway, I started laughing when he said that, and told him that no one is in charge of me or my mom, so he should go somewhere where people will listen to him. I wasn't trying to aggravate him, I was just defending my mom really. I dont understand him, someday he is okay and others he is ready to blow up at the tiniest thing. 

He stormed off upstairs again, and when he came back down he said he was sorry for going off on me, and to tell mom he is looking for her if I see her. I was like, 'sure.' I guess he didn't really need to apologise, it was me too, but I didn't tell him that, I'll let him feel guilty! 

Mom came home later with Cazzy, she had stopped at Daves. I asked why and got no answer. I told her Zack was looking for her and got no response. I asked if she was okay and she told me to stop nagging her, then she went to bed, she said she was tired. She didn't look too well, she was pale and looked tired, her eyes were red like she was trying to keep them open. I stayed in and sorted Cazy out, tried to teach her to say Jack. It didn't work, she still isn't talking, she just wails at me laughing and pulls at my face. 

I met up with Terri too, as planned. We walked around the streets, just taking really. We ended up sat on the 106 steps, and stayed there most of the night. Its really weird, I can talk and talk to her about anything and everything, more than I can with anyone else. I dont know why, I just can. She was telling me about her family, her 3 older brothers, and I told her about Caz. She got real excited when she realised I have a little baby sister, and asked if she could see her some time. I said I take her out for walks all the time, so she should come one day. I would have invited her round but didn't think it would be such a good idea, who knows what mood mom and Zack are going to be in, and I'm not going to risk letting them scare her away! 

I walked her home again, but didn't get a kiss this time! Instead, it was a phone number, which I guess is just as good, if not better, isn't it? I know I haven't got a cell phone, but I'm going to save up for one as soon as I can. She said to text her when I fancy going for that walk with Carol, and I said I would. I'll just ring her from the pay phone one day. 

When I got home Zack was out, and mom was ready for bed again! She had only been up 3 hours while I was out, and she was zonked, I don't know what's wrong with her. I played with Cazzy all night, let her make a big mess with her toys and her building blocks. Zack came in late and was really drunk, he was falling all over, I had to help him up the stairs. He went straight to bed. I don't know what was up with him either, I've never seen him that drunk before. Something is definitely up, and I intend to find out what. 

Jack. 


	32. Saturday 14 August

Saturday 14 August.

Had my first day of work today! I got up early and walked down to the garage, and Bob was there waiting for me, he was really nice. He showed me around and the place is a lot bigger than I would have thought, to say it is a simple garage! It was a bit dull but I think that was because I was mainly showed around all day and didn't really do much. I was with Liam most of the time, who showed me pretty much everything I need to know. There are two other guys who work there two, Martin and Denny. They were both pretty cool and w said we'd meet up for a game of football one day. I stayed while 5 before Bob said I could get off. Before I went he gave me $30. He said to come back at the same time next Saturday and he'd get me started properly, and I can't wait. It was fun really, and its easy, and at least I'm getting some money now. 

When I got home mum didn't ask about it so I'm guessing she forgot. She didn't look too good though, either. She was really pale and she went to bed after sending me to the shop for some more smokes, again making sure I wouldn't tell on her to Zack. 

I took Cazzy for a walk and remembered what I had told Terri! I went to the payphone and called her, and she met up with me right away! I was embarrassed about calling her on the phone as I didn't think she would actually want to meet me - but she seemed really eager. I met her at her house and we walked round the streets. We had to stop every so often to shush Cazzy, who was having quite a few tantrums, I think she was just playing up though, because Terri kept fussing her. The little sneak! 

After an hour of so I walked her back home and we agreed that I would ring her another day to do something. I got another kiss on the cheek, better than nothing I guess!! At least I haven't scared her away yet!

When I got back home Cazzy was exhausted and fell straight asleep, I hope she stays that way throughout the whole night! Mom was already out too and I didn't see Zack, so I stayed up watching Harts War. It was quite boring but I liked how the Bruce Willis character took the blame for it all in the end, and kept his honour by doing so. I thought he was going to bail and let the other guy take a bullet. I would think that is what all of the soldiers are like in real life, but who knows? 

I went to bed quite late but there was no sign of Zack before I did. Christ knows where he is. Not that I'm bothered, I'm just curious, with what went on the other day and all, who knows whats going off! 

Jack. 


	33. Sunday 15 August

Sunday 15 August.

I woke up this morning when Cazzy decided to cry until she saw me get out of bed, I swear she does it on purpose. I took her downstairs to make some breakfast and we passed Zack asleep on the sofa fully dressed smelling of beer, looks like he had a late night again yesterday. I made Cazzy a bottle and we were playing with her train at the table when mom came downstairs looking a little poorly. I asked her what was wrong and she said she felt sick and that was all, it was nothing to worry about. I don't think I believe her but I'm not going to question her when she is in a mood, she will just give me some grief!

Mom asked met to call over to Dave's to pick up a video he borrowed the other day, so I went round. I walked down his shoddy little driveway and opened his door as usual, but when I walked into the house this man grabbed me and slammed me into the wall. I didn't have a clue who he was and he looked at me really nervous, demanding I tell him who I was. I asked him the same question before Dave came running in with another guy a little older than him and skinny looking who also seemed mad by my presence. Dave said to the guy holding me that I was no-one, just a friend. The other guy asked me again but I didn't tell them who I was, why should I? 

Dave managed to persuade the two angry men I was nobody and the guy let go of me and told me to get lost. I didn't argue with that, Dave's sh!t is his sh!t and I'm not getting involved in it. Not when I have a pretty good idea what the three of them were doing, it was probably a deal or something to do with the drugs. I just can't believe that the idiot didn't lock the door! 

When I went back home mom asked me why I didn't have the film and I told her that he was out. No point getting her involved, and it would have probably make things even worse for Dave. Not that I care - I just don't want to make somebody else's problems even worse if I can help it. Mom was pissed that I didn't have the film and Zack was grumpy as he was hung over and their combined moaning got the better of me. I went round for Jimmy's and he came out for a while. 

It was really hot outside so we decided to go down to the beach. When we got there a few people were on the surf trying to ride it but it wasn't strong enough, so they just looked stupid splashing down into the water. Me and Jimmy said that next time the surf is rough enough we'll go down and show the posers how its done properly. 

I might even see if Terri likes to surf, she seems like a active person and I bet she would like it. I hope she does as it would be something we have in common. I don't really know what to say to her next time I ring, what can I suggest we do? I don't really know much about what she likes and dislikes... maybe I'll just ask her what she wants to do, that might be easier! I think I will ring her tomorrow after my session with Dr. Barns, which I am dreading, given the last time we met I stormed out after that other man played on my last nerve! At least he won't be here this time. 

Jack. 


	34. Monday 16 August

Monday 16 August.

I didn't go to Barns today. I know he will probably get on at me for it, but I just couldn't, I was too confused, I guess. Mom got a letter in the mail this morning, from my so called 'biological father.' My mom has always told me about him, its not like it was ever some big secret. They were seeing each other when they were young, he was an angry person and would sometimes hurt her. Which is why she made sure he was long gone before she had me. He didn't mind, she told me. It was a get out clause for him after all, only he wouldn't be seen as the bad guy as she was pushing him away. Anyway, he wrote to me today, but addressed it to her. 

She came up to my room while I was getting ready to see Barns. I thought it was strange that she made me sit down in front of her - and closed the door behind her. She told me that whatever I wanted to do was up to me - I wasn't to think I would be letting her down or anything. Its my life, my father, my choice. 

I read the letter through a few time before it really sank in. It was really corny. He says he had some near death experience which made him realise he needs to see his son. Very corny. And not very smart too - lots of contradictions, and spelling mistakes too. Father with an r? That's a first - he could have at least spell checked the damn thing. 

I told mom I didn't care, she should ignore it, I would be. She asked if I was sure and I told her I was certain. It took him almost 16 years to write a damn letter, that sums him up. I don't care about him, I don't want to know him, so why bother complicating things? He is nothing to me. She seemed a little unsure about my response, as though I was saying it to make her happy. I'm not too sure if I am or not. I'm curious, I will admit that. After all, he is part of me. But then again, why should I go all out for him when he waited over 15 years before making contact with me? 

Still, as against the idea as I am, I can't make myself throw the letter away, that I don't understand. Its strange. I'm angry, more than anything. At his cheek really - his arrogance to write to me now, as though everything is all right. One damn letter in my entire life. The fuing bstard. That's how I feel about him. 

My mom left me after a big hug, and I admit there were tears in my eyes, I think that was why she left. She knows how much I hate to cry, especially in front of people. I tried to pull myself together and forget about it, but I can't help but read the letter over and over as though it will finally help me understand something. I dont know what I'm looking for, but I can't deny that I've never thought about him. About why he never cared enough to try contact me before - why I wasn't good enough. 

But that doesn't matter, its all mushy, unimportant thoughts. I just need to ignore it and move on. And ignore the damn letter. I went for a walk down the beach afterwards to clear my head and climbed up some of the sand dunes, It didn't really help, if anything it gave me more time to think. 

Hopefully I will sleep it off and forget about the whole thing. 

Jack. 


	35. Tuesday 17 August

Tuesday 17 August.

I got up early this morning as I couldn't sleep. I spent most of the night tossing and turning while dreaming up some crazy things. I stayed in my room most of the day with Cazzy, just playing with her. She really is cute. It seems that recently she is finding her voice, even if she can't actually speak. She keeps squealing and trying to make a noise which I guess resembles a 'woof woof,' in some way, but sounds more like 'uhf uhf.' Still, she made me laugh with it. I'm just curious as to where she has herd a dog bark, seen as we have no pets. Maybe she saw one on the T.V. 

Mom came in my room about 1 in the afternoon looking worse for wear. She and Zack had been arguing for almost an hour before she came in. They scared Cazzy, as the shouts had her crying her eyes out hugging me as though if she held on tight enough the noise would stop. Mom had big puffy red eyes and a trembling voice when she finally came in. That combined with Carols tears, and I couldn't help but feel angry at Zack for upsetting her, even though I don't have a clue what it was about. Dave hasn't been round since the other day when he and Zack were at each others throats, which is even stranger. I think I might go over and see him tomorrow, see if I can figure out exactly what is going on. 

Mom just sat and talked with me for a while, asked if I had changed my mind about the letter. I told her I had been thinking about it properly and I'm positive I don't want to reply. She nodded and asked me for the letter. I don't know why I lied, but before I had even though about it I told her I had thrown it out in the trash last night. I still don't know why I lied but I was a little scared she would throw it out herself. I can't understand why I'm so bothered about this letter and the stranger that wrote it. Maybe because its some kind of proof that I actually have a father somewhere, and that he must care a little. Enough to write a letter.... 

....A letter that took him 15 years to write... No, I think that proves just the opposite, just how much he doesn't care. Maybe his wife gave him a guilt trip and put him up to it, maybe he's dying. I don't care. I read through it again once Mom went out, after making Carol promise not to tell mom I lied. I only got it out of its hiding place after she gave me a gargle which told me my secret was safe! I noticed it isn't in the envelope, so I don't know where about it was sent from. I wonder why mom took it from the envelope - maybe he lives near someone I know? Maybe he lives too far away to even consider getting to know him. Maybe she didn't even notice what she was doing, and I'm reading too much into this. I should just forget about the damn letter, and forget about him. At least Cazzy agrees with me!

Still, its another day wasted with thoughts of nothing. I've got to forget about it, or it will drive me crazy, and its not worth the annoyance it is causing. 

Jack. 


	36. Wednesday 18 August

Wednesday 18 August.

I laid in this morning, it was almost afternoon before I finally dragged myself out of bed! Cazzy had been taken care of thankfully, Mom and Zack were sat playing happy families singing 'clap-a-cake' with her. Zack seemed to be enjoying it more than Caz! I guess they have overcome whatever problem they were fighting over yesterday. Now all I need to see is Zack going back to work before I'm satisfied that everything is okay. 

I went out and called for Jimmy but he was out, so I decided to stop by Daves. I made sure to knock before walking in this time, I didn't want to interrupt any business of his again like last time. He let me in and led me through to the room where he slumped down onto the couch instantly, as though walking to the door and back had been too much exercise for him to endure. 

We made small talk for a while and I asked him who those guys were the other day. He explained they were some friends of his and that was all there was too it. Obviously they were either dealers like himself or buyers. I don't really care what they were. Seen as he was so forthcoming with that information I asked him about his fight with Zack. I came straight out with it, deciding that he was probably too stupid to understand what I mean if I had hinted at it! 

He told me they had a slight misunderstanding and a few words were said. He claimed that there was nothing more too it. I asked him that if that was true how come he hadn't been round since it happened? He said he had been busy. Busy my ass! He's avoiding us. To change the subject he said that mom told him how my old man wrote a letter to try and contact me. I said 'yeah, what's it to you?' He said he was just making conversation as I was. I got the message, and left after that, I am not going to talk about it with him of all people. 

As I left the house I walked the long way home, passing a group of screaming girls as I went. What are they always giggling about? As I passed I herd someone shout me, and I turned around to see Terri! I went up to her and we chatted for a while, I was embarrassed that I didn't notice her at first. I'm glad she called me over or I would have looked ignorant, and I don't want her to not like me. 

She asked what I'd been up to and I said I'd been helping my mom around in the house, which she seemed to buy. She mentioned that one of her friends was having a party on Friday, and casually asked if I fancied going. Of course I did!! But I couldn't show her how eager I was so I nodded and said I'd take her if she wanted to go, which she did. We arranged where and when we'd meet on Friday. I can't believe it, another night with Terri planned. I hope this goes well, I can't wait to see her again. 

I also cant wait until I get a phone so I can text her, then I can talk to her every day. A few more weeks at the garage and I bet I can buy a cheap phone. I've still got her phone number in the bottom of my sock drawer safe so I don't loose it! 

After we finished she walked back over to the other side of the road while I started on back home, listening to them giggle. They seemed to get louder as I left, so I started wondering if they were laughing about me. I could feel my cheeks going red as I left, I was so embarrassed at the thought! 

Three days until Friday, and I can be with Terri all day. I can't wait, its going to be great! 

Jack. 


	37. Thursday 19 August

Thursday 19 August.

I decided to go to Barns today. I've already missed a few sessions recently so I thought about not going again. But I decided that the more I miss the longer the lecture is going to be when I finally do go, so I might as well get over with it today. I thought about just never going again, but that would cause problems when I go back to school. For some reason they think that it is important that I see the old man each week. 

When I got there I went straight in and Barns greeted me and was very enthusiastic. I was surprised by the session actually. I expected to get told off for not going recently but instead I got the opposite. He apologised for having the man in my last session, saying it was stupid and unprofessional of him, I don't know who he was. Barns also said he was very happy that I decided to give him another try. 

We talked about all of the usual stuff, and he asked me if anything had been happening in the last week or so that I want to talk about. Of course I said no, but he was looking at me as if he could see right into me and knew what was winding me up so much inside. To make things even harder all I could see in my head was that stupid letter, folded up into a tight square hidden with Terri's phone number in my drawer. I don't know why it came to me when he asked, and I almost spoke about it, but quickly decided not to after the thought entered my head. I don't think talking to him about it is such a good idea. What if he told my mom? 

He said he wanted to try some new exercises with me, and I ended up staying there twice the normal time I usually do, but he said it didn't matter as he had some extra space in his schedule today. After we finished with the normal things he asked me about school next year, what I think about it, which subjects I want to chose and my thoughts on what I might do after it. I didn't say much, I haven't even thought about it. I dont even know what I am doing next week, how should I know what I want to do in a years time? He laughed when I asked him that and said it didn't matter, but I ought to start giving it some thought soon. I said I would, just not right away, next year is ages away! 

Since I got home I can't stop wondering if maybe telling Dr.Barnes what is bothering me will help. I just can't see it making things better, and I don't like the thought of telling anyone something like this. And its not like he wants to hear about my problems. Nobody cares about anything going on outside their own personal little bubble that's life. Still, it would be good if I could get it out of me head. 

I'm not replying to it, I'm not meeting him. I'm forgetting about it all. Just pretend you never read the darn letter. I wish my mom had never showed it me. Of course I understand why she did, but it was a lot nicer not knowing who the hell he was and why the hell he never gave a sh!t about his son. 

I just can't help but wonder how different things would be if he and mom had stayed together, would my life be better of worse? It doesn't matter anyway, because they didn't, so I don't know why I'm asking these pointless questions. I should just deal with what did happen and get on with my life - and forget about that jerk, whoever he is. 

Jack. 


	38. Friday 20 August

Friday 20 August.

Its midnight now, I just got in from Terri's friends party, and all I can way is wow!! 

We met up around five at the bus stop where I had seen her with her friends on Wednesday. I asked if she wanted me to find someone to go into the shop for some booze for us but she said their would be plenty at the party. Apparently her friend Hannah is very well off, and has a very cool sister who decided to supply the whole of the alcohol for the party seen as it was her birthday. That would be the best birthday present ever, its a shame I don't have an older sister who is rich! 

At first when she told me about this and their house I started to worry that it was going to be full of snobs who would look down on me, but it was quite the opposite. A few people from the area were there who I recognised, and everyone was on the same level. Even Hannah seemed nice - she wasn't stuck up to say she lived in the massive house we were partying in. After ten we got tired of sitting around drinking and listening to music so we decided to take the party outside, where there was a large rectangular pool in their back yard. How cool would that be?! 

Everyone dived in and messed around in the water, and I was going to but Terri didn't want to. She said that her parents would be worried if she came home soaking wet and that they would convince themselves she had fallen into a lake or something and would get even more protective over her. I said 'yeah' pretending my mom would be concerned too. I felt a little bad about pretending, my mom probably didn't even realised I even left the house. I know it was wrong to lie but it was easier to say that than make her suspicious about something, anything. 

So while everyone was in the pool we went for a walk into the trees and ended up in the grass kissing for ages! I can honestly say it was much better than fooling around in the pool would have been! After doing that for a while Terri asked if I liked her, and I was like 'of course.' She asked if I wanted to start seeing her properly, and I said yes straight away, as long as she wanted to. The good thing about being slightly drunk is that I am not as shy as usual. After getting past that we got back on track with the kissing until we had to set of to hers. 

Terri had to be in for half past eleven so we left the party early and I walked her home. It felt quite nice walking home with my arm around her shoulder, I wasn't embarrassed about people looking at us. I left her at her door again and she waved goodbye form her bedroom door minutes later. She is really sweet. I am lucky she ever liked me never mind asked me out! 

When I got home everyone was sound asleep, including Cazzy for a change. I better get to bed before I wake her up and set her off crying all night/morning! And I have got work tomorrow morning. Despite the fact that I will probably be slightly hung-over I'm still looking forward to it. Its another chance to make some money, and I like Bob too, he is pretty cool. 

Jack. 


	39. Saturday 21 August

Saturday 21 August. 

I got up early today, not feeling too bad given the night I had! I went to the garage earlier than Bob was expecting me as there was nothing to do in the house so I thought I might as well see if there was anything he needed doing before I started. Bob was really cool all day, he let me go out with Liam for half of the day where I pretty much picked up everything. Its not exactly hard though! The car comes in, Tom, at the front window takes down what they want, we go through and wash it, dry it off, then take the cash from the guy. That's pretty much it, as I said its not rocket science! 

I was on my own some of the time when it got busy in the afternoon and Bob was right, the easiest way to learn is to just jump right in. I really enjoyed it. In the afternoon Bob took me to the downstairs office where he said all of the receipts and other details are kept. He showed me around that area, then took me into the side garage. He asked if I wanted to start learning now, I was like 'yes!' It was a lot harder than cleaning the cars was, but I definitely enjoyed it more. 

It was more thought provoking, and we only did the basics of what was under to car hood! I also showed him how I would change a tyre, which was right, so he didn't need to show me that. We shut at five and I stayed behind to help him clean and lock up. Bob gave me $40 for today! I said 'thanks,' and he was like, 'don't thank me, you earned it.' As I already said, I really like Bob. 

The only minor of the day was that he asked me to bring all of my contact details in next Saturday. He himself said he knew it was stupid as they knew me and where I am from, but they need to have contact details of employers in case of emergencies. I'll have to think of something for that, there's only my mom and Dave, and neither of them have a contact number. I think I will just tell Bob straight out, he will understand, and I don't want to lie to him. He probably knows anyway, I've known Lee since we started of school a long time ago. 

When I got home mom asked me to babysit for Cazzy as Zack was taking her out for a meal. She left me money for a pizza, which was cool for a change. I put all of Cazzys children videos on to keep her quiet, and she was captivated by them! I don't know how kids can learn anything from them though, they just repeat the same thing over and over. Surely they bore the kids as much as they did me?! 

After I put Caz in her cot I said night to her and before I had time to turn the light off she was waving at me. She has only done it a few times this week but she looks so cute when she does it. I waved back and said, 'bye bye carol,' and she said 'bye' back! It sounded more like 'buy,' and her voice was deep and sounded slightly strained, but I bet that is because she has hardly spoken yet, shes still learning. I went over and fussed her making sure she knew what she did was a good thing before putting her back in bed. As I said bye again she didn't say anymore so I turned the light off. I am still impressed though .All she has said before is 'lalalalala' and 'mumma,' and the occasional 'hack,' which I am guessing is supposed to mean Jack! 

Still, it was a great day to follow a brilliant night, I hope tomorrow will be just as good, it seems were on a roll! 

Jack. 


	40. Sunday 22 August

Sunday 22 August.

There was nothing to do today as Mom took Cazzy out and Zack actually went to work, so I went out for a while. Jimmy wasn't in and neither was Liam so I went looking for them. Instead of finding them I bumped into Terri up by the top field. We went round to the steps but nobody was their, so we gave up. We talked about the party and stuff, and just had a laugh. She asked if I wanted to down to the beach one day, so we said we would do it Wednesday, so that should be fun. I'm going to try borrow Jimmy's board too so I can go surfing while I'm down there. 

After a while we decided to try find some more people as it was really quiet. We went through the garages, and they were there, along with Craig and a few of his people. Jimmy and Craig were arguing, so I went up to them to see what was going off. Craig looked even more madder when he saw me, but I didn't care, last time I saw him I kicked his ass. They were arguing over nothing so I went back over to Terri who didn't know that was going off. She wanted us to go somewhere else because everyone was shouting and she didn't like it, but I told her it was okay, and we'd just wait until they were done. I could tell she didn't want to stay but I didn't want to leave. 

While I was reassuring her it would be okay Craig punched Jimmy, and actually knocked him out with one blow. Then Craig and Sam started kicking him while he was on the floor. I ran over straight away with Liam, and about six or seven of us ended up fighting. In the end the police came as someone from the houses that back onto the area rang them because of the noise we were making. Everyone ran when they came and I got away with Jimmy, I don't know who got taken by them. I don't know where Terri was, but I think that she left while we were fighting as she didn't like it. Even if she was there I know the police wouldn't have taken her anyway as she wasn't actually fighting. 

I took Jimmy home and his mom seemed annoyed at us. He had a massive bruise on his jaw where Craig had punched him, and a back eye was already showing. I was fine I only got a split lip, but both of my fists are swollen and there's a few scrapes on my hands. After checking Jim was okay I left, and went to see if Terri was home. 

I knocked on the door and she answered it, and came outside shutting it firmly behind her. She was very mad at me for staying when she said she wanted to leave, and then joining in the fight after telling her nothing would happen. I explained to her that I wasn't just going to stand there and let Jimmy get beat up by Craig, and that I wouldn't have joined in if it had been fair, but it wasn't. She was still p!ssed but I think I won her round eventually. I asked if we were still on for Wednesday and while trying to look mad she smiled and said yes, so she wasn't that bothered at all. I think she was just trying to make me feel bad! 

I went home after that, mom and Cazzy were still out. Zack was camped in front of the television. We had a brief chat where he asked what happened. He wasn't too fussed, I think he was just trying to make conversation as the commercials were on. 

Jack. 


	41. Monday 23 August

Monday 23 August.

I went to Barns today, and for the first time ever I actually felt better afterwards, as though I had benefited from going. When I went in he asked me what I had done to my hand, as my right one was quite bruised with a big scab on it. I was quiet for a while as I decided what to do. I made my mind up that I would tell him the truth. This way I could see how he would react and if he actually had anything useful to say about it. If he did, then I would consider telling him what I am really up to more often. Then who knows from there. 

As I said that I got involved in a fight I swear I saw a small smirk on his face before he covered it up. He asked me if I wanted to tell him what happened, and so I did. I said there are some people who me and my friends don't get on with, and one of my friends was getting jumped by a few of those people, so I joined in. I told him that I was with another friend at the time who didn't wane me to, but I did anyway. Even though I knew I shouldn't. 

Barns asked me how I felt about it and I said I wasn't sure. I knew that it was wrong to get involved in a fight that didn't concern me, but I didn't want to see my friend get hurt, or give the other people the satisfaction of hurting him. And most of all, I wanted to join in anyway. I wanted to have a go at them. 

We went through the motions as usual, did you get angry? Of course I got angry if I hadn't been angry I would have listened to my friend! After this he spoke about responsibility and if I feel that I did the right thing by joining in. I told him I wasn't sure, partly yes because my friend was getting hurt, but partly no because I wanted to hurt Craig. Barns said that that was okay then, as long as I realised I wasn't completely in the wrong, or the right. 

He also said that in the future I should try to control my anger again, as I told him I didn't give his exercises a minutes though before jumping in. He said if I stop a moment before and do all of those calming things then it might help. After we finished he said that the best thing to do would be to stay out of fights in general, but just try and keep from loosing my temper. He said going in and having a fight is not the problem, it is the aggression which surfaces from it which is. If I loose it then its one step forward two steps back. I told him I'd do what he said next time, if there was a next time. 

While walking home I couldn't get everything that Barns said from my head, I really do think he helped today. He didn't make me feel bad about fighting, but told me what to do next time it happens. I thought he would give me a lecture about how violence is not the answer, but he didn't. Instead he accepted the fact that I wouldn't listen to those childish sayings and gave me real advice. And he spoke to me like an equal too, not like Jimmys mom did when we got back to his last night. Maybe I will be more truthful with Barns when something is bothering me, it seemed to work today. Not the letter though, that hasn't even been on my mind recently. No point in surfacing it to get rid of it, that would be pretty stupid! It will go way on its own. 

Jack. 


	42. Tuesday 24 August

Tuesday 24 August. 

Last night Bob came round to the house to see me. I thought I had done something wrong at first, but he just wanted to know if I could do some extra work for him today as one of the lads is ill. He had to come around because he couldn't phone... I said I'd do the extra hours, so that's what I did this morning. I worked from about eight and stayed late in the back with Bob who showed me some more things on the car after it quietened down, which was fun more than anything. Bob is such a laugh, always telling jokes. 

He gave me $40, saying there was extra because of the short notice! I told him he didn't need to give me extra but he told me to shut up and take it!! He also asked if I had a cell phone, but I didn't. I told him I was saving up for one and would give him the number then so he can ring me in the future. He laughed a bit and said that his wife had just bought him a new one for his birthday, so I could buy his old one off him, if I wanted to that was. He said it was pretty decent, just needed a new cover. I said sure, and he asked $15 for it!!!! I told him I would pay more than that but he said it was all he wanted, he was trying to get rid of it. I don't believe it happened just like that, I think he was trying to help me out without letting me know. Still, I gave him the cash and he gave me the phone. Its really flash too, a good one. Its small and silver, and flips open too. 

After I left and made sure I said thank you I went round to the shop on my way home and bought a top up card to get some credit on my phone, so I could call Terri. When I got in I decided not to tell my mom because she uses Zacks all of the time, and I don't want her nicking off with it. I know its not nice to not tell her, but I don't want to loose it either. I'll hide it for a few weeks and then tell her I bought it with my wages. If she knew how cheap I got it for she would probably get pissed off that I hadn't had to pay a lot for it, when Zack has just paid loads for his new one. 

In my room I stored Terri's number in the phone and rang her. I asked her how she was and if we were still on for the beach tomorrow. She laughed and said she was. She said she was happy I finally decided to ring her as she thought I wasn't interested in talking to her. I said that I lost my phone and only just found it, which she seemed to fall for. We talked a little more before Terri had to go for her dinner. 

I just need to buy a phone charger and then I am set, I can't believe I've got this phone. The games are really cool on it too, I spent all night playing on Space Invaders! When mom came up to put Cazzy in her cot I hid it under my bed in the box of my old trading cards, she will never look there. I couldn't do much after that as Cazzy was snoring and I didn't want to wake her or watch television with mom and Zack so I finished the rest of Bravo Two Zero. I might ask Terri if she wants to go to the mall one day, then I can get a new book and a phone charger, and maybe Terri will like something that I can buy her too! 

Jack. 


	43. Wednesday 25 August

Wednesday 24 August. 

I woke mom up this morning and gave her Cazzy, who was red hot and crying her eyes out, before going to meet Terri. I felt bad for just saddling our Caz with mom, but I didn't want to cancel a day with Terri! So I met up with her as we arranged, apologising for being slightly late, (mom took ages getting up,) but she didn't seem to mind. 

We walked to the beach holding hands, and it took us just under an hour to get here. There were quite a few people their to say that there was a cool breeze, normally its empty if its sun bathing weather! But it didn't affect us anyway, seen as nobody we knew was there. I forgot to ask Jimmy for his surf board, so I couldn't ride the waves. 

Terri seemed almost as disappointed as I was that I forgot, she said she can't wait to see me surf! I told her that I wanted to buy my own surf board anyway, and then casually asked her if she wanted to go to the mall one day so I could pick one up. She was very keen on the idea seen as she wanted to buy a new sweater for some occasion too, so we said that we would go one day, although we didn't arrange a date. 

Seen as we didn't have a surfboard and we couldn't sunbathe as the sun decided to hide behind the clouds all day we ended up messing around in the water trying to dunk each other. Neither of us had brought any swim wear so we went in, in our clothes, with the exception of our shoes and socks, and my jumper which I saved for walking home. 

We had a lot of fun, despite the weather which wasn't very good compared to the heat we've been experiencing these past few weeks. It seems the sun needed a day off, typical for it to choose this one! 

After a while we got bored and Terri said she had to go home to get ready for later, as she would be baby-sitting her younger cousin tonight. While we were walking back we were both cold, seen as we were wearing soaking wet cloths so I gave her my jumper to try warm her up. I was freezing but I didn't say anything, and I left it with her when I took her home, so I just jogged back home to warm me up. 

Before we got to hers we walked by all of who I assumed where Terri's 'girlfriends' as they all started giggling when they saw us holding hands and stuff. I was surprised when Terri just stopped and gave me a long kiss in front of them, I thought she would have gone all shy and embarrassed. But she didn't, she didn't seem to care at all what they thought, and we left them almost as soon as we saw them, which I was glad for, they all kept watching me for some reason. 

I left Terri at the gate to her house and she said she would phone me and we would sort out the day when we could go to the mall. I told her I'd be waiting for her to call, then ran back home, my fingers felt like they had blocks of ice on them! 

When I got in our Cazzy had calmed down and was sleeping as mom had given her some medicine. She had to take her to the doctor at lunch time as she was crying that bad, but the doctor said that she has a cold, which is okay as it will clear up in a few days, it could have been something much worse. 

Still, I bet she manages to wake me up through the night as she did this morning! 

Jack. 


	44. Thursday 26 August

Thursday 25 August.

As predicted, Cazzy did not sleep through the night, instead she screamed her head off. In the end I took her in bed with me which calmed her a little. I put one of her tapes on which settled her slightly, and then read to her for a few hours, which finally sent her off to sleep. I think I got about 4 hours sleep last night, I was exhausted when morning finally rolled round! 

When I got up in the morning Cazzy was looking much better but I felt terrible. My head was killing and my back was aching, along with other things which all combined together to make me feel like complete rubbish. No wonder Cazzy was laid smiling at me with her sparkly eyes when I woke up, she passed the darn thing onto me! 

I stayed in bed most of today, boiling hot despite the goose bumps on my skin, and my mom finally declared that I had got whatever it was that Cazzy had late afternoon, as though I hadn't figured it out for myself by then! I slept through most of the day as I was still tired from staying up with Caz all night, and Terri rang me in the afternoon to talk, although talking was the last think I felt like doing! 

She asked if I wanted to go shopping or something and I apologised saying that I couldn't, as I felt too ill to go anywhere. She was cool about it, really nice actually, asking if I wanted her to come around to keep me company or something. I thanked her for the offer but explained that the house was full and how I was looking after Cazzy too. She didn't seem put off my turning her down, she just told me she hoped I got better, and she would call tomorrow to see how I felt. I didn't exactly lie to her, just stretched the truth a little. I just don't want her coming around just yet, she will only be scared away! 

Still, as I said, it wasn't a full lie, as Cazzy repaid me for my time spent with her last night by spending the day on top of my covers watching My Little Pony reruns all day. Whenever mom tried to take her downstairs out of our room she would cry until she put her back on my bed! She ended up spending the entire day there, only leaving when mom bathed her, much to Carols displeasure. Although she did annoy me most of the day sat 'talking' to herself, as she can't yet talk, so all she was doing was making nonsensical noise, but at times I did find her will to stay with me quite cute too. 

I am now feeling slightly better so I am hoping that I can take Terri to the mall tomorrow, I don't want her to think that I am just saying this to get out of meeting her. As for Barns, well, I am sure he will understand when I see him on Monday. 

Jack. 


	45. Friday 27 August

Friday 27 August.

I woke up this morning feeling better than yesterday, but my throat has got even worse, which I'm not too happy about. Still, I feel better than I did which is good enough! Cazzy didn't seem too impressed when I got out of bed though, I think she was planning on another lazy day! I bathed her when I first got up before mom and Zack woke, then fed and dressed her, before putting her in her cot so I could take a shower. 

When I was leaving the room I herd her say, 'bye,' in a really deep voice. I turned around and laughed as she started saying it over and over again while waving both hands in the air. Seen as she was so enthusiastic to talk I tried to get her to say something else, but she was only interested in saying the one word she has mastered. 

After our talking session I left once more for that shower and she started crying. As soon as I came back into the room she stopped, so I left her and got in the shower anyway. After she realised that she wasn't getting her own way she stopped! 

Mum got up late in the afternoon not feeling too good herself, so I spent a fair amount of the day making her cups of tea, seen as I wasn't as bad off as she was. She normally drinks coffee but she was claiming that tea would be better for her throat. I can't see why, they are both hot drinks, only differing in taste. 

When I asked her where Zack was she said he left for work really early, he is now working on a project which will make them some big money. She tried to brag about this, so I told her not to get her hopes up, which p!ssed her off. She went back to bed after that angry, but not without another cup of tea of course. 

After mom went to bed I rang Terri, it is easier than texting after all. I rang and asked what she was up to, and she was baby sitting her two cousins, I said snap. She sounded different on the phone but when I asked her if she was okay she said she was fine, although I didn't fall for it. I could tell something was wrong as she was quiet when she is normally the one who controls the conversation! Before much more was said I herd a kid start screaming down her end of the phone, and Terri said she had to go. She had hung up before I even had the chance to say goodbye to her. 

I was confused about what was wrong with her so I sent her a text message, saying that I hoped she was okay and that I miss her. It took me a while to text it as the phone kept going onto predictive text messaging and I didn't know how to work it out, but I got the hang of it in the end! I got a text back off her later saying, 'Thank you. I'm just tired. Sorry if I was grouchy xxx.' Her message made me feel better as I thought I had done something wrong, but I can understand her being tired looking after kids, Cazzy wares me out enough and there is only one of her! 

Zack came home late and looked like rubbish. He too wasn't feeling too well, surprise surprise! I got him a glass of his scotch as he asked, then he went straight to bed. So me and Caz had a 'fun' night in playing with her building blocks and musical alligator, which she has somehow developed a new love for. Sometimes I just don't understand her. When mom bought it her she was terrified of it. Today was the first time she saw it in over three months! The only time she cried this time was when I tried to put it away in her toy box. She was so upset when I took it away that I was going to let her sleep with it. But then I decided not to and put it away despite her tears. I felt bad for upsetting her but I don't want her to think that all she has to do is cry and she will get what she wants, as life doesn't work that way, and she will get spoilt. 

She fell out with me big time after that though and wouldn't even wave night to me. She will thank me when she is older and values things! 

Jack. 


	46. Saturday 28 August

Saturday 28 August.

I still felt ill this morning and had the urge to stay in bed and sleep all day but I had to get up for work. Somehow I managed to drag myself out of bed. My mom was feeling better, as was Zack, and so mom decided that they all had a bug of sorts, but I must have the flu. She also decided that it was from messing about in the sea in the cold the other day, which 'you know your not supposed to do.' Then she enquired about a wet suit, how much they cost etc, seen as I like 'playing,' in the sea so much! After the lecture about that she gave me about ten different medicines to take before I could go to work, I think she is trying to poison me! I also had to go back upstairs to put a sweater on before I left! 'Don't want to get even worse now do you!" (Didn't she notice that it was sunny?) I don't know if her caring moods are worse than her bad ones! Still, it was either moms cocktail or the fresh air but I felt better before I got to work, which was good. 

The garage was busy today, and I spent half of the day washing cars down with Sam. After my lunch break Luke took me to the booking door, and showed me how to fill in the register forms we need before we can take a vehicle which needs maintaining in. It was all easy stuff as its simple pen on paper, we only take a few details down too for the record books. This side of the garage was quiet as most people were here for a simple wash which doesn't concern us, so we spent the afternoon having paper aeroplane races, which I won! 

After we shut the place down and cleaned up me and Bob stayed an extra hour where she slowed me a few more things. We concentrated on the tools mostly, but then he let me help him replace a windshield, he taught me what to do as we went. It was all pretty easy stuff, and after we finished I went and called up the head office to order more seal, seen as we used the last of it. Bob was surprised when I offered to do it, and he listened into the conversation grinning. I didn't know what was wrong with him, making a phone call isn't hard! He said he was laughing because Sam has worked here five months and still refuses to call up orders, as he is too nervous, but I do it without being told what information I need to give them. After that he paid me, giving me more than usual, saying that the extra was a tip for thinking on my feet. I didn't complain! 

When we locked the place up for good it was dark out, and Bob insisted that he take me home. I told him it was all right and that I'm a big boy who can walk home in the dark, he found it funny but was having none of it, he would take me home. He drove me home in his van and we made small talk. He asked me if I'd been fighting again, seen as my lip is still split, and the bruises on my knuckles haven't completely faded. I said I was but it wasn't my fault, which made him laugh. He told me that I remind him of what he was like when he was younger, he said the similarities were there. He said that I should realise that fighting isn't always the answer, which is something he took a long time to learn. He went quiet after saying that and I got the feeling he was upset or sad about something so I didn't talk no more, I didn't want to say something wrong. 

When he dropped me off I said thanks and he seemed to cheer up. I got in the house and Zack was helping Cazzy build something with her blocks. He told me that mom had gone out with Dave, and that there was some food in the oven for me that needed warming over. I left it and went straight to my room. I was really tired and still feeling bad so I went straight to bed. 

I checked my phone before I went to sleep and Terri had sent me a message saying, 'Dont work too hard. Missing you.' I didn't text back I was too tired, I think I will call round tomorrow to surprise her. 

Jack. 


	47. Sunday 29 August

Sunday 29 August. 

I woke up this morning feeling much better at last, my throat is back to normal too, touch wood. Cazzy seemed happy to have me play with her in the morning seen as she was stuck with Zack all day yesterday, not that I blame her! I got her fed and dressed, then Zack decided he was going to take his 'two ladies,' as in my mom and Carol out for the day. I don't know where they went but I wasn't exactly interested enough to ask either, I was glad the house was quiet for once with the three of them gone. 

I tidied up and cleared all the mess they left in the kitchen. It seems that Zack doesn't know how to wash dishes after he uses them, or wipe sides down, the moron. Does he expect my mom to do this for him or something? After I got the house looking reasonable I had a shower and got dressed. I decided to go give Terri a visit without telling her. I walked up to hers and it didn't take too long to get there. I was going to jog there but the sun was hot and I didn't want to sweat while I was with her, so I played it safe! 

When I got there I went through the metal gate and up the stone path to the front door. It was the closest I had been to her house and it was the first time I got a good look at it seen as it wasn't dark. It looks posh. The front garden is really big, and the back is out of sight due to big barn like gates blocking the way. I rang the bell once, and then waited until someone answered the door. 

I don't know who it was but he smelt really strongly of cigarettes, I almost had to take a step back, mom never smelt that bad. Or maybe she did and I just got used to it. I haven't seen her with one in her hand for a while now though, so maybe she is trying to stop, really trying this time. 

The guy was pretty abrupt, before I managed to ask for Terri he asked me who I was and what I wanted. I explained that I was a friend of Terris from school and wanted to know if she was there. He grunted and said she was out, and he didn't know when she would be back, before slamming the door! I don't know if it is just me or something, but thats a little rude! 

I jogged back home, taking the long way round. Everyone was still out when I got in so I watched some television while I had control of the remote. There was nothing on though, there never is. I got my phone and send Terri a text saying that I had called for her, and hoped she was having fun wherever she was. She didn't reply, which I guess isn't unusual. 

The three of them returned home in the late afternoon, Cazzy sock on in my moms arms. I took her from mom and took her upstairs to bed. She didn't stir, she must have had a busy day. When I went back downstairs mom was trying to convince Zack to take her out, to, as she put it, 'finish off there wonderful day together.' I wanted to go give them a bucket but I don't think they would have appreciated the thought. In the end Zack agreed, soon after they were gone again, warning me they were going to be late. So I finished off Bravo Two Zero, then started another I haven't read in a while, a Chris Ryan one. Its okay, but nothing like Andy Mc.Nab's, I'm going to have to buy another of his, his stories are cool. 

Terri still hasn't texted me, I'll wait until tomorrow before I ring her. I don't want her to think I am stalking her! 

Jack. 


	48. Monday 30 August

Monday 30 August.

Dave decided to make a little announcement this morning while we were having breakfast. They must have really enjoyed their 'special day' yesterday, with how they were acting. He said that he just wanted to say how happy he was being here, and how he felt like we were all a family. I almost spit my milk out over the table. What the hell was he talking about? He has been seeing my mum a couple of months, he somehow manages to start living here. But family? I don't think so. 

Mom smiled then whispered for me to 'be nice' while Zack wasn't listening, before she went off to get dressed. Be nice? She has high expectations. After she was gone Zack decided to let me in on a 'little secret,' that he was going ring shopping one day in the week, he was going to propose to my mom. I think I turned grey when he said that. He asked me if I wanted to join him, I thanked him for the offer but said I was busy this week. We both knew I was lying but he didn't say anything. 

Mom came back down and he made a big show of shushing Cazzy when she started crying for her bottle. My mom was watching with a smile on her face, as though he deserved a medal for what he was doing. Then Zack made his next statement, how he feels like a father to Cazzy. Before I could say anything to that mom chirped in, saying how she agreed with him that he was, because he is just 'so good with her.' I left the table, there is no way I was listening to that crap. If I stayed another second I would have exploded. 

I felt like telling Zack not to get too comfortable. Its not like mom even knows who is Cazzys real dad is, so he should realise that soon enough he will be chucked out like the rest of them, once she gets bored. She always gets bored, Zack has simply bought into her act and he is too blind to realise. I guess in a way they do deserve each other, seen as they are both falling for each others acts. Now I only hope that mom gets bored of him before he decides to propose, or that could drag it on a little longer than necessary. 

I left the house soon after that and went straight to Barns. I didn't want to go because I knew I was in a bad mood, but the alternative, listening to those two talk, wasn't exactly appealing either. When I got there he knew I was tense, I know he knew, I could see it in the way he looked. It was like he was backing off before we even started. Which was good of course, I didn't want to be hassled about what was up. He didn't ask, either, which made me feel even better out the session. 

Instead he asked me a few normal questions then we went over some techniques. After half of the session he said that I had done well and that we could leave it until Thursday, there was no need to drag the session out. Thursdays session will probably be good too, if he is going to be passive all of the time! 

I went straight to Jimmy's from Barns and we played on his new games console which was pretty cool, I don't know which game it was, but it was cool. I ended up stopping over at his, his mom didn't mind, and I sure as hell didn't want to go back home with what they were talking about. Jimmy's dad didn't come home, but I didn't ask what was happening. He didn't ask why I was hiding at his. We both know not to ask, I guess that's why we get on so well. I'm going to stay here until I'm sure Zack will have left for work tomorrow, I don't think I could face him without being a smart ass, which might not work in my favour. 

I don't know if Terri texted me back, my phones at home. Ill just have to wait until tomorrow. 

Jack. 


	49. Tuesday 31 August

Tuesday 31 August.

I overlaid at Jimmy's, when I got up he had gone out. I was a little embarrassed being in his house without him, but his mom was very nice. She even made me breakfast before I left! She also made a point of thanking me for being such a good friend to Jimmy. It was strange, what she said. She talked a little about how we would stick together like glue when we were kids, and how we haven't really changed that much. When I asked where he was she said his dad had come to pick him up. Then she started to cry. 

I apologised for asking, but she told me not to be silly. She said it was her who was being silly. Then she started ranting to herself about how she had been blind stupid to put up with him for so long, not even getting suspicious about his late nights home. She went quiet and I was too scared to ask anything, but before I had to fill the silence she told me that she and Brian were getting divorced, he had been having an affair with his secretary. Then she really broke down. 

I sat there and listened as she basically poured her heart out. I nodded my head and frowned in the appropriate places, and kept handing her tissues. I didn't know what to do, I felt so bad. Bad for listening to what she was saying and not being able to help her, bad for her whole situation. Mostly I felt bad for not knowing what to do. She calmed down after I made her some coffee, and apologised for putting this on me, she said she just needed to get it out of her system. I told her it was fine and I didn't mind at all, which of course didn't. I just wish there was something I could have done to make her feel better. A few hours later I had to go, but before I did she gave me a hug and thanked me again, repeating her earlier words about me being a good friend to Jimmy. 

Although I do feel good that Laura (she told me off for calling her Mrs. Harlins after the fifth time!) felt she could talk to me, and that I might have helped. But I feel really bad for Jimmy. He doesn't think I know about his dad, and he obviously doesn't want me to know. If it were me I wouldn't want him to know. I guess I will just have to say nothing to him about it. That's the best thing I can do for him. 

When I got home Dave was there looking after Cazzy, as mom and Zack had decided to spend the day together. He made a point of going on about how mad my mom was angry that I didn't come home last night. I bet she didn't even realise until she wanted to go out and realised there was nobody to look after Caz. I took Cazzy from him and told him he may as well go home, which he did thankfully. I wasn't exactly in the mood to entertain him with the thoughts of Lauren and Jimmy swirling around in my head. 

Jack. 


	50. Wednesday 1 September

Wednesday 1 September.

I didn't even realise the date, not even a week left of the holidays before I'm back at school. I also realised that I asked Terri if she wanted to go to the mall one day, and that she hadn't text me back last time I checked. I got my phone out and switched it on, she had left me a message, finally! I read it through and it said she had been visiting her Nanan when I called around and that she couldn't wait to see me. She also put on it that she was sorry if her brother had been a jerk. Brother! I guess that would be the eldest then, he probably looked older because he looked rough. I started laughing because I though it had been her dad. 

Before I could text her back Zack came in ranting about where I had been the night before, he woke Cazzy up in the process so I went to get her, dropping my phone on the bed in the process. I completely forgot about it. I realised what I had done straight away as Zack's eyes lit up. Anger, conferment, I don't know, but it was clear he was going to make a big deal about it, the smirk on his face said everything. 

He picked it up and started demanding who's it was and where I got it from. I said that Bob sold it me cheap yesterday. I said that's where I was yesterday, he was short staffed so I stayed late. When I was walking home I saw Jimmy and I ended up stopping at his as it was closer, and I didn't want to wake them up being so late. I know it was a lie but I'm not exactly bothered about lying to Zack. He took it downstairs to show my mom who also started asking where I got it from, both deciding that I was lying. 

I don't even know why they made such a big deal of it. Its a phone, everyone older than 7 has one these days. I could understand if they were mad at me for not telling them about it but they weren't even bothered about that. Zack started getting really annoyed and then started asking who I had stole it from. Of course that made me angrier than before. I tried to hold my temper, I didn't launch at him like my fists wanted to. Instead I told him that I didn't need to steal anything, I can buy what I want, seen as I have a job. One where I actually work, not phone in sick every other day. 

He went ballistic. He flew around the counter and slammed me into the wall shouting things I can't even remember. My mum pulled him off me and told him to calm down before shouting her head off at me for trying to provoke him. Cazzy was still screaming upstairs. Zack calmed down some before deciding that if I didn't tell him where I got it from he'd smash it up. I just stood there I wasn't going to make something up. He threw it on the floor and stomped on it a few times successfully smashing the screen and most of the buttons. Then he took the sim card out and snapped that in half, before announcing that next time I lie like that it will be me he is smashing up. I didn't say anything. 

I wanted to kill him, just show him that I could hurt him. But I didn't. All I did was stand there, watching him, Barns words running through my head, how sometimes people will try to goad me for a reaction. That's what Zack was doing, pushing me. He wanted me to snap, to go for him. So he could prove some point to my mom or to himself, I don't know. But I didn't give him the satisfaction. Instead I told him he'd better clean the mess he made up as Cazzy could hurt herself on it. Then I left the room and went upstairs to calm Cazzy down. 

As mad as I am about the phone, I'm so furious I could beat the sh!t out of Zack, it was good to see the look on his face as I walked away. He looked lost, he hadn't expected it to go that way, he expected me to lose it. Soon after I calmed Cazzy I herd him shouting downstairs, then the door slam. I bet he is pretty wound up that I didn't react the way he wanted me to! 

He might have broke my phone but I still put him in his place. Now I've got to get a new phone. I'll go see Terri tomorrow and tell her I lost it or something. 

Jack. 


	51. Thursday 2 September

Thursday 2 September. 

I didn't go to Barns today, as I didn't feel up to his probing questions. I may have been persuaded to go but mom didn't do so much as shrug when I told her. It's not like it affects her, so I don't know why I imagined her to be bothered. Part of me considered going to just to spite her, but then I didn't want to go at all, I was kind of scared that I would end up telling Barns what was running through my head. Too many thoughts that's for sure; Zack, Mom, Dave, Lauren and Brian's divorce, and if Jimmy should know I know, and of course the stupid letter from that worthless piece of sh!t, I still haven't forgotten about that. 

It feels like everything is building up inside my head and I'm scared I'm going to explode from the pressure its making while locked inside. Part of me wishes I had smacked Zack last night, I can still see him stood there goading me, that look on his face, thinking he had some sort of control over me - he doesn't know nothing, I'd love to tear him apart. But I don't want to give him the satisfaction of that, then he would know just how much he got to me, so screw him, and screw my mom too. I can't believe she took his side over me, her son! So much for the whole 'family comes first' slogan. She's just selfish, then maybe I am too, for feeling so sorry for myself over this whole issue. I am trying to just ignore it but it keeps popping back up, preventing me from forgetting it at all. 

I guess I can easily solve the phone problem, I can get a cheap one with a few days wages. And the Zack issue will go away if I keep stopping myself from reacting, stop letting him provoke me. I haven't seen him since last night, he still hasn't come home. He's probably asleep in an all night bar under a table. Sounds about right for him. 

I guess I could have gone to Barns today, he would be pleased to know that his precious 'restraining' tactics worked. Well, they worked once, who knows what will happen next time he starts. I can handle letting him have his say, but if he goes for me again I'm going to swing back, screw this 'anger problem,' I'm not letting him walk all over me. Getting my temper in check is one thing, but that's the other extreme, and I have no intention of stopping myself in that situation, even if I could. 

Mom was home all day, laid on the couch watching television, surprise surprise. She barely spoke to me all morning, only breaking her silence to instruct me to feed Cazzy. The rest of the time she sat in silence giving me one of her dirty looks. She clearly blames me for Zack's paddy, again, no surprise there. 

I went to see Terri as soon as I left the house. She answered the door surprised to see me and quietly asked me if I would mind waiting for her by the shops at the end of her street. She came out ten minutes later, claiming that her father wanted her to stay in, due to the cold weather, but she managed to talk him around. She didn't explain why she was so eager for me to wait out of view, but I could take a few educated guesses. She didn't want her parents to see me, she was embarrassed, maybe I looked bad stood next to the grand house. It's not like I dress in crap stuff but its not the expensive designer stuff Terri is never seen without. Anyway, I didn't ask her why she asked me to wait, I don't want to complicate things for her, or make her think I'm being awkward; as I'm not, I was simply curious. 

I told her how I lost my phone so she wasn't wondering why I wasn't texting her back. She seemed to believe my story, although even if she didn't I doubt she would tell me so. After a while it started to rain and Terri suggested we go somewhere to shelter from it. I told her that I would have invited her around to mine but me and my mom are not exactly on the best terms right now. She didn't seem bothered, but then she didn't mention her house either. 

I know I am probably reading into too much, but I wouldn't blame her if she was embarrassed about me. Not that I would have ever pegged her as someone to think about people in terms of money, she isn't shallow like that, but maybe her family is. I don't know, I think I'm over analysing everything. I'm still mad about Mom and Zack's accusations, thinking I had stolen something. I would never dream of doing something as low as that, do they think I have no self respect? 

Terri doesn't think of me like that, I know, but I just don't like the thought of people thinking I would thieve something. That's not me. Maybe others view me like that, they must do if my own mom did. And I'm not exactly Mr. Popular at school, with the teachers or the pupils. I do have friends but they are all from the same part of town as me... except for Terri. Maybe she is coming to her senses and realising that she is too good for me. I hope not, I really like her, she's special, I can feel it. But I can't blame her if she does feel that way, and its not exactly a lie that she could do better. Much better. 

Jack. 


	52. Friday 3 September

Friday 3 September.

I didn't go to see Terri today. I contemplated it in the morning, but I ended up at Jimmy's house instead of hers. Jimmy's mom Laura let me in as I waited for Jimmy to get dressed, she didn't mention her breakdown to me the other day and neither did I. I think that will be one of those unspoken things between us, well its not exactly like anything can be said anyway. 

Me and Jimmy met up with Rob but we couldn't find anyone else. We played soccer between us, seeing who could keep the ball for the longest seen as there were so few of us. I hoped we could just play all day as it was the last official day of the summer holidays, Monday is a teacher training day, and its back to school come Tuesday, I'm already dreading it. After awhile we got bored though. We went back to Jimmy's and played on his computer a while but then the power went out, which pretty much sucked. 

I went home, mom and Cazzy were playing in the kitchen. Before I even asked about Zack mom told me that he had stumbled in the morning, looks like he went on a two day drinking bender. She told me he wanted to see me but I didn't bother going into there room. I'm still mad about the phone issue, I might have stopped myself from reacting once but I don't know if I could do it again. 

There was a letter still in its envelope on my dresser, addressed to my mom, she forgot to mention it to me. I guessed she left it there for a reason so I read it, it was from him again, Gary his name is. The so called 'father.' I read it through but the words didn't really sink in, more rubbish about how its not fair that my mom isn't letting me meet him. He really thinks that I have no idea about any of this, I think that's what is so sad about the whole thing. I folded it up and put it with the other one at the back of my dresser drawer. 

Mom never even asked me about it, I'm guessing she forgot. It doesn't matter, I didn't want to talk about it. I went out for a walk because it was a little boring and the power was still out. I didn't see anybody in the village so I just kept walking, thinking about nothing, it felt really good. On the way home after a few hours Bob drove by in his van. I waved and he stopped the van, so I went over thinking he wanted to talk to me. 

When he got out of the van it was clear that he was angry. He looked stressed out, I've never seen him like that before so I was concerned. I asked him if everything was all right and he asked me why I hadn't got back to him. I didn't know what he meant, but then when he asked me if I had my phone on me I realised what he meant. I told him that I was sorry but I lost the phone, yesterday. He didn't believe me, I could tell. I thought he would be mad that I lost the phone he practically gave me but he just asked how I lost it. I said it fell out of my pocket while I was out and I didn't realise until it was too late, someone probably stole it. 

He sort of signed and gave me the 'okay Jack,' with a pat on the shoulder which told me that he saw right through my lie and wasn't buying it. He apologised for seeming so uptight, but they had been short staffed at the garage. He had been ringing to try get me to come in, but because he couldn't get a hold of me he missed out on three orders. He reassured me that it wasn't me fault and told me he would see me tomorrow before leaving. 

I got home quickly even though I took the long way around. I feel really terrible about Bob missing his orders. I know that its not really my that I haven't got the phone, after all Zack smashed it up there's nothing I could do about it. But still, I should have been more careful, I shouldn't have let him find it in the first place. It doesn't matter now, Bob is clearly angry at me even if he was trying hard not to show it. When I get enough money I'm buying a new one, screw my mom and Zack, then I can definitely be there next time Bob needs me. 

Jack. 


	53. Saturday 4 September

Saturday 4 September.

I went to work early this morning to get out of Zack's way. I was dressing Cazzy when he came in our room, asking if I had seen his watch. He looked like crap, but I guess that is what happens when you go on a two day drinking session. I asked him if he lost it while he was out and for some reason that seemed to annoy him as he then asked me if I hadn't stole it for myself. I didn't bite back, that's what he wanted, he was probably angry because he didn't think of that, and its more than likely going to be what happened. 

At work I spent all morning washing down cars with Liam. Bob was busy in the garage, he'd managed to get back two of the three orders he lost yesterday so I didn't feel as bad as I did last night. After lunch he put me on the booking desk so I thought he must still be mad at me, as normally he lets me go in the back garage with him. I wasn't bothered though I understood why he would be angry with me, I lost his phone, he probably thinks I didn't appreciate it at all. 

I was wrong, however, as an hour before closing he told me he had done all he could do with the orders. We went in the back and he showed me this beat up truck that wasn't going anywhere, so we could practice stuff on that. It is an old piece of metal, everything needs replacing. We started by changing the back window, I didn't know how to do that, so Bob told me it was basically the same as doing the front windshield, but easier. He was right, it was easy to change. He checked it out when I had finished and seemed pretty impressed. 

We talked while we were working and he was asking about school and stuff, seen as it starts up soon. He was enquiring about the courses and if I would be taking the same things Liam was. I told him I hadn't thought about it yet as I might not be going back to school, it all depends on my doctors reports. Bob was interested in this, he already herd about the therapy from Liam and was very curious. I didn't tell him much and we joked about it mostly. Bob did say that he couldn't imagine me going to someplace like that, he said I seem too smart to have such a temper; it was my turn to laugh then. 

We stayed behind an hour after shutting the place down, he wanted to get the back wheels changed on the 'model car' as he calls it, before we left. He asked how my mom was doing, saying how long it had been since he had last seen her, and if she had met anybody. I chuckled and said she was seeing somebody right now. Bob was more than sceptical of my laughing but I didn't explain, it wouldn't make mom look good, telling an old friend of hers how she is always seeing somebody, but on most occasions it is never the same person. 

When he paid me I told him I was going to get a new phone as soon as I could and I would give him the number. As soon as I said that I saw his face change, I don't know what it was, he sort of turned serious all of a sudden. He sat on the bonnet of the car and told me that he knows I was lying about losing the phone. Before I could assure him I did he held his hand up to stop me from talking, so I waited. He said that I didn't have to tell him where it went he didn't care, it was up to me, but he knows that didn't happen. I just shrugged then left, why is he making such a big deal of it? I understand he may be angry as it once belonged to him, but he is making a fuss about it now. 

I walked home, when I got down the end of the street Bob pulled up in his van and asked me if I wanted a life, I told him I was meeting some friends so he wouldn't bother, I wanted to walk it. I like Bob but sometimes, I don't know, I get the feeling he is pitying me, and I dont know why. He knows nothing about me so why is he acting like I'm a little lost boy he needs to help. 

Jack. 


	54. Sunday 5 September

Sunday 5 September. 

I stayed in all morning with Cazzy, Zack actually went to work for once. While I was eating my breakfast he passed through the kitchen but didn't say a word to me. I couldn't help but notice the watch around his wrist, looks like I didn't steal it after all! I wanted to say something to him about it but my mom was there and would probably think it was me starting up at him for no reason so I kept my mouth shut. 

When he left my mom casually asked what I was going to do about Garry. I had to ask who Garry was, before I realised she was talking about the damn letters again. I told her I didn't know, I could feel myself getting frustrated as soon as she brought it up so I changed to subject. She didn't seem to notice I had even stopped talking about it, shows how much she was paying attention. 

I took Cazzy for a walk around to the shops and back as we needed some milk, she loved it, being out in the fresh air, I need to take her out more often. She is definitely talking more, she kept shouting 'Hack,' which has to mean 'Jack!' Mom decided that she is trying to say 'Zack' but I don't buy it, Zack doesn't do anything with her I bet she doesn't even recognise him. 

After taking Caz out I went out to find Jimmy. On my way to his house I almost jumped from shock when I saw Jimmy and Terri walking my way. Terri had been out looking for me and saw Jimmy, who was taking her to my place to see if I was in. I'm glad I found them first, I don't want Terri seeing where I live just yet, if she's going to be embarrassed about me I'd rather save myself the embarrassment of showing her. Still, I felt a little better about her looking for me, she must like me at least a little! 

Jimmy left us after that and we went down to the park which was empty. She talked about this and that but I wasn't really listening. She asked why I was quiet and I just said I had some stuff on my mind. She told me that if it would help to talk to her she was all ears. I couldn't help but smile at her offer, she is so caring. Still, I told her I was okay before distracting her with a few activities out of view behind some bushes. She forgot pretty soon after that! 

She wanted to do something tomorrow but I told her I had to see Barns and she seemed disappointed I couldn't meet her. I asked her that if she wanted I could see her afterwards but I can't guarantee I wont be in a bad mood, Barns has a tendency to p!ss me off. She found that funny and said she would really like to see me, and seemed sad that we probably wont have as much time together now school has started. We set a time and place to meet, and I'm quite looking forward to it. Sometimes I think Terri really likes me, like today and I wonder why I'm always worried. I don't know, maybe I was over analysing everything the other day, I hope so anyway, I like Terri a lot. 

Jack. 


	55. Monday 6 September

Monday 6 September.

The visit to Barns went surprisingly well today. I came in and he didn't bother to ask about my absence from our last session, so I didn't explain it to him either. Why should I? We caught up on some stuff, nothing much. Then he did his annoying thing with the questions, and he had his notepad out too, I'm sure he only did that because he knows how much it gets on my nerves.

We were there a while but it seemed to go quick. I dodged most of his questions, which he didn't seem to pick up on like usual, which is good of course. He did try to catch me out a few times, so I just changed the subject; hoping that the fact that I hadn't lost my temper would be enough for him to say I'm 'normal' enough to go back to school. If I can keep my mouth shut with him I can keep it shut with the stupid teachers too, so it will be fine.

When we finished he didn't tell me anything about his 'decision' so I guess I'll find out what's going to happen tomorrow.

As I said, in was late from Barns so I had to run all the way to the park where I had arranged to meet Terri. I was worn out by the time I got there but it was okay, I was only a few minutes late and she didn't seem to mind at all. I don't think she even noticed she was in a bit of a daze.

She asked about Barns a lot and if I was going to be seeing him at school again, but I told her I didn't want to think about Barns when I didn't have to and so she changed the subject. We walked around the park and Terri told me about her older brother, the one who answered the door on my first visit, I'm assuming. Apparently he is in trouble for beating somebody up, I could see she was shaken up by it, she doesn't strike me as somebody who can deal with or accept violence. Well, when I got into that fight with Craig she was mad and scared.

We didn't do much, she just talked mostly so I didn't interrupt her, I think she was really upset with the whole situation. After she finished I tried to reassure her that what her brother does doesn't matter, he may do some things she doesn't approve of, but it doesn't take anything away from her, she is still her own person. I shut up after that - how stupid I must have sounded. Especially when I'm too scared to show her where I live, if what I told her was true then I wouldn't be so bothered about her seeing what my family is like.

She wanted to go home after that anyway, she wasn't feeling too good. She was leaning on me most of the way and she didn't look very well either. Half way back she stopped to throw up over a wall. I wanted to go over and see if she was ok, but I didn't want to embarrass her either. I moved a few feet away and waited for her to finish. Once she did she carried on walking, her face was a little bit red, she was probably embarrassed.

I asked if she wanted me to run to the shop and get her some water, but she said no. I tried to hold her hand again to show her I wasn't fussed about her being sick but she moved away and sped up. I was a little bit hurt but I guess she was really embarrassed, and she still felt ill too. Still, I walked her the rest of the way home and told her I'd see her at school tomorrow. She said yeah, not very enthusiastic. I'm guessing she felt very ill, I hope she feels much better tomorrow, I didn't like not being able to help her.

Jack.


	56. Authors Note

Just an authors note to say that for the time being, this has been discontinued.

I didn't enjoy writing it from the first person perspective and don't think people enjoyed reading it either!

However I still have ideas so I may decide to try complete it in the future if the readers and myself want to read more that it!

Thanks.


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